Hide Your Fires

28: Epilogue

Dear Mom and Dad,

It's been exactly ten years since I lost you. Ten years since I've felt your hugs, heard your voices. A whole decade of being on my own with Jude and Matt. I think that I've done alright with it, but it's been hard, I can't lie about that, but a few weeks ago, Matt graduated high school so I'm really proud of that. He looked so adorable walking across the stage in his cap and gown and getting his diploma.

Not only did he graduate, but he's also headed to the University of Kentucky in the fall with a butt load of scholarships and a plan to major in some type of engineering field. He had a rough start to high school, as I'm sure most kids do, but once he grew up a little bit, he got his job and his girlfriend and he started working a lot harder on his grades. Speaking of his girlfriend, he and Riley broke up when their sophomore year started for reasons unknown to me. He's had other girlfriends though, but he's not a heartbreaker or anything, I'm making sure of that.

Jude, however, I'm going to have to keep my eye on. He's going into middle school next year, going into 7th grade, and I know how much of a handful I was in middle school. He's already trying to flirt with the girls in his class, I think. At least I know what I'm getting into this time, now that I've been through it all with Matt and now that Matt's older, he can give Jude "the talk" when his voice starts to get lower and hair starts to grow because the puberty talk with Matt was just not a fun talk to have.

I know that although it's been so long since you guys left, Matt still misses you but he won't talk about it. I try to bring it up sometimes but it's really touchy for him. I barely convinced him to come to the cemetery with us today, but I know that he misses you more than anything in the world, just like I do.

Even though Jude was just a baby when you left, I think that he gets sad too, whenever I bring you guys up. Even though he doesn't really remember you guys, he still misses you. He just knows in his heart how spectacular that you guys were and how awesome it would have been to meet you. He's really missing out.

And since I haven't been out to see you guys since we moved to Chicago, I also want to say that if you are watching over me (which, I'd like to think that you are) I would like to apologize for how I acted at the beginning of my high school days. I know that it wasn't how you raised me, to act like that but I was so scared. It'd only been two years since you left and that's not enough time to get over losing both parents. It's not. And I also broke several laws to get Matt and Jude out of that foster home, which I'm not sorry about because it saved my brothers, but I was scared of getting caught too. And I was just trying to run.

But I'm not running anymore. I feel like I'm right where I need to be. I have Matt, who just graduated high school (?!?!?!) and I have Jude going into middle school and I have Tate, who you don't know. He's my boyfriend and he has been for a long time now. I wish that you could have met him because you would seriously love him. He goes to the community college in downtown Chicago, just down the road from the Institute of Art, which is where I will be graduating from next year.

He's helped a lot with Matt, showing him how to grow up without actually growing up too fast, which is something that I never learned. And he's helped me a lot, showing me how to calm down a little bit, to grow young again, to have fun and act my age sometimes. I do have Matt and Jude to look over and sometimes, yes, I do have to act like a mother but I'm not actually their mother. I'm their sister, a junior in college, an aspiring fashion designer, but not a mother. And I do not always have to act like one.

I love him so much that sometimes, I feel like my heart is beating so fast in my chest that it's going to burst. I love him like Mom loved Dad and that's seriously saying something, because I know how much you guys really loved each other.

We've even got plans to go to New York in a few years, after Jude graduates and goes on his own for college. They have a great fashion scene in New York City and Tate is a big fan of the big city scene so he'll be happy there too. I've already started selling some of my designs and my professors are telling me that they're sure that I've got enough talent to make it all the way up to the big leagues. Chanel, Michael Kors, Gucci. I'll be a store on Fifth Avenue, I'll be putting a line on Fashion Week in London.

I'll be doing it all and I'll be doing it with Tate right by my side as he rules the advertising industry. That's what his major is, advertisement. He does have a way with words, to convince people to believe anything.

He's always telling me that I make him want to be the best person that he can be but I think that it goes both ways. We push each other to be the best, and we support each other no matter what. We love each other, and it's such a beautiful thing.

I miss you guys so much every day and I think about you guys every single day. Living without my parents is the hardest thing that I've ever done, and I've done a lot of hard things in my life. I wish that it didn't have to happen this way. I wish that you could have seen me graduate high school three years ago, I wish that you could have seen Matt graduate just a few weeks ago and that you would be there to see Jude graduate when he does.

But then again, maybe you were there and maybe you always will be. At my graduation, my next graduation, my wedding, when I have kids, when I'm walking a line on Fashion Week, opening my first store on Fifth Avenue. I'd like to think that you're always watching over me and my brothers and I hope that you're proud. I'd like to think that you are.

Sincerely,

Hallie

I sit the letter on the ground between the two grave stones with my parents' names on them and I drop dirt over the paper so that it's buried in the ground between them. Matt, looking very somber, puts a bouquet of flowers on top of my mother's grave and then another one on top of my father's.

Tate wraps his arm around my waist and kisses my temple, assuring me in a whisper that it'll be okay, and I know that it will be. I do miss my parents like crazy but I still have such a life here on earth with my brothers and Tate and my blossoming career. There's sadness in everyone's life, you just have to remember that even when there's sadness, there's always something good too- a silver lining, if you will. Everything will be okay, it'll work out. It always does. After everything that's happened, I'm still smiling and I think that says a lot.

"Can I let go now?" Jude asks, holding a few helium balloons that we'd brought with us. That was his idea, he wanted to let go of the balloons with his message to our parents taped to one of the balloons, which I thought was a very nice thought.

I nod, holding onto Tate and wrapping on of my arms over Matt's shoulders. "Yeah, Jude. Let go."

THE END

Check out my second story, To Rebuild a Home! I'm super proud of this story and the characters, so I'd be so grateful if you gave it a read! Hope u like it <3