So You Tried to Put a Fire Out, but You Used Gasoline ~ Phan

Chapter One

Dan's POV

It had happened again. I lost everything I had in me and I lashed out. Over what? I didn't even know. But once I had been set off, there was no one that could stop me. Not even myself. 

They occur quite sporadically now, these outbursts. I feel a white hot pain in my stomach and my chest gets tight as I feel like my windpipe is being sat on. My heartbeat becomes so rapid that it feels like it's about to tear right out of my chest. Tremors constantly run through my body. The pressure is my head is enough to make me want to explode, and that's exactly what I do.

This time I had broken a chair, a picture frame, a glass figurine, knocked everything off of my desk and dresser, made a dent in my wall from throwing something at it, cracked some of the paint off  my wall from slamming the door open too hard, and made my hands and knuckles so raw that they bled. Of course, this was nothing new.

Now I am sat on my bed, pulling at my hair and breathing heavily as I look around my room at the aftermath. It was a mess, and so am I. I couldn't calm down even after it looked like I had let it all out. I was never calm to be honest. There was always something irking me in one way or another. Some times were worse than others, but I can never control it. My whole life is falling apart because of it, and there's not a single thing I can do. 

Just thinking about everything that I've done makes me sick. My throat was dry from silently screaming and I was thirsty as all get out. My vision was blurry and the whole world seemed to spin, causing me to want to throw up. I was a shaking mess at that point, my hands trembling and my legs bouncing up and down hastily. Even though all of this seems horrible, I was addicted to the feeling.

My mind raced so fast that I could barely focus on anything. And as soon as my thoughts came, they were all immediately stopped at once when everything faded to darkness as I collapsed onto the floor.