All Of Me

Chapter 1

•C H A P T E R  1•
"WEAK MINDED"

I never thought I would be where I am now. Sitting at home all alone while my husband is out having fun with other women. There were times when I just wanted to give up and tell him I wanted a divorce but each time I backed out.

No, I am not an idiot but once you marry someone and they are the love of your life then come tell me how you feel. Infidelity was something I grew up to frown upon because it was just plain wrong. But when it happens to you, you need to look at things differently. If there is a possibility you could save your marriage, wouldn't you try too?

It probably seems like a long shot, but I need to figure things out. One day, one day if there is no hope.. Then I will leave. If I see that I cannot change what is happening then I will go. There is no room in my life to hold on to something that will always pull away. But for the sake of my heart, I need to try.

I sat in m-- our bedroom, waiting for him to come home. It was nearly 3 AM and yet he still did not call or text. Yet another night where he was 'hanging out with friends'. But I knew the truth no matter how much I wish it wasn't true. I wasn't one of those stupid or naive woman who was in denial, refusing to see what was front of me because believe me I saw it. However, I wanted to try and save us, save our marriage.

It all started 7 months ago, his strange behavior, and I have always wanted to know what caused it. Was he simply not in love with me anymore? Did he fall in love with someone else? What was it? And why can't he be man enough to just tell me?

There are so many questions swirling around my head and no matter how much I try to get answers, I'm just 'delusional' or 'paranoid'. He seems to think that no matter what he does, I will always stay but that isn't even close to the truth. What he doesn't realize is that I am so close to leaving him... so very close.

I check the time to see that an hour has gone by and exactly 2 seconds later I hear the front door creak open. His footsteps are slow and quiet as if hoping not to wake me. I roll my eyes at his stupidity and cross my arms awaiting his arrival. Finally, the bedroom door opens and he jumps when he sees me sitting at the edge of the bed.

"Holy sh--! Rose, what are you doing up?" He breathes as he fidgets uncomfortably. I smile amusingly and shake my head at him.

I stand up and lean my weight on my left leg, "Where were you Nathan?" His eyebrows furrow and his mouth twists into a scowl as he crosses his muscular arms.

"What do you mean, 'where was I?'? I told you that I was going out with friends." I can tell he is getting worked up but I don't care. He doesn't seem to care about the pain he causes me...

"Until 4 in the morning?! Gosh, Nathan its the same thing every other night! I need my husband too, you know?" My heart aches when I see no change in his expression. Instead he looks even more pissed off than a few seconds ago.

He huffs and shakes head at me, "You are so ridiculous, you know that? I barely get to spend time with my friends because I am always with yo--"

Before he could finish his argument, I cut him off because what he was saying wasn't even close to the truth. "Barely?! You barely get to hang out with your so called friends?! And how are you always with me when you are always staying at your office?! So don't you dare blame me!"

By now he is breathing heavily and his hazel eyes have darkened but I don't care.

"I am so sick and tired of being blamed for everything that you do! Nathan, I am so tired of your lies and-- and disrespect! I have stood by your side through all the bull and your screw ups, the least you can give me is a little respect!"

"Respect?! Respect?! I give you everything, I pay the damn bills! I pay for the clothes you wear and the damn food you eat! So you better give me some more respect!" Nathan roars but he doesn't scare me and he never will.

"Money?! You think I give a shit about money?! You know that I wanted to work, but you told me that I didn't need to. You told me that if I tried to get a job then you would have me fired! I mean what kind of a freaking husband does that?! And now suddenly I am the useless little wife, right?! Its me! Its always gonna be me because Mr. Hotshot can never do any wrong whatsoever! Right?!" A resounding smack echoed through the room and my head whipped to the side. My hand cupped my cheek but no tears fell from my eyes. They watered but not from the stinging pain but the pain in my chest.

He stared at me with wide angry eyes that softened when he realized what he did. "Rose, I'm sor--"

"No you're not... You're not sorry. Just-- leave me alone." I whisper before rushing past him and into the guest room. Slamming the door shut and quickly locking it, my aching heart seems to worsen. I slide down the door and bring my knees to my chest.

What am I supposed to do? Is this the last and final straw? Can I honestly even take anymore pain from him? Maybe I should gather proof before I do anything so I am not made out for a fool. Everyone thinks Nathan is a sweetheart-- well not everyone. My best friend, Mila, has started to hate him because she knows about his infidelity as well.

I came to the conclusion that I will pretend to forgive him and then gather evidence of his cheating before I finally let him go.

With that thought, I drift off to sleep on the floor as tears trail one by one down my face.

The next morning I wake up with an aching face and crusty eyes. But the odd thing is, I am placed on the bed. Soon, however, it all makes sense as Nathan walks into the room holding a tray of breakfast.

"Hey.." He whispers placing the tray on the side of the bed. His eyes hold regret and sadness and I'm guessing he could seee the hurt and sadness in mine. "Rose-- I'm so, so sorry. I hate myself for what I did to you. Baby, please forgive me."

I plaster on a fake smile and nod to him, "I forgive you." The smile that spreads across his face is so wide and child like, I almost want to really forgive him but I hold back.

"Thank you, thank you. I love you Rosie, so much." He breathes before pulling me into a kiss. His words shock me for he hasn't said those three words or called me Rosie in the last seven months.

I hesitantly kiss him back but it no longer feels warm and passionate. It feels cold and meaningless.

And as much as it hurt, I just knew in my heart that our story was coming to an end.

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