Late Nights & Pillow Fights

Day 14: Jeans & Jumpers

                                  D a w n :

Even before I opened my eyes I was wide awake, I just didn't want to get up because actually getting out of bed would put this dreaded day into motion.

The final day.

Lane and I had stayed up for hours the previous night talking about everything and anything, and when it was late enough that my mind wasn't working properly, I told him more about Israel and what he was like. It was as if we were trying to make sure we got in every last thing we wanted to say to each other before we had to leave, but there was always more. I could always think of one more thing to say to Lane and I hated it.

I hated the feeling of knowing that as soon as I left I may need him again but we won't have this space. It won't be the same once the project ends and I think we both knew that last night.

I turned on my side to look at Lane who was still fast asleep and couldn't help but smile at the sight of him looking so peaceful.

His hair was messy, and it was almost an impulse for me to start playing with his baby hairs that were sticking out in every possible direction.

I ran my fingers through his hair, smiling as he stirred in his sleep, but didn't wake up. I don't know how long I was doing that for until he woke up to the sound of a shower turning on.

I mentally cursed at Daryll for getting up to take a shower which I knew was absurd, but I couldn't help the drowning feeling that came over me when Lane woke up.

Our final moments in that house that seemed to make everything stop had now started ticking.

He smiled as he looked up at me, my hands were still in his hair and he seemed to be enjoying it.

When he saw that I was no longer smiling though, his smile vanished as well. I didn't need to say the words for him to understand what I was thinking about and to feel the same way.

He took my hand in his. "It's okay Dawn, this isn't the end for us."

I sighed, trying my best to smile. "Yeah, but things change out in the real world."

"Us doesn't have to though."

"Lane...we've talked about this." I said.

"Actually, no Dawn, we haven't talked about it and I want to because I don't think you're being fair to me or to yourself."

He sat up now, his eyes piercing into me, making me want to crumble at his feet, but I needed to keep my resolve.

"Lane, stop. I don't want to talk about this."

He shook his head. "No, we're talking about this, you can't keep pushing it off, all the time's up Dawn."

I looked up at him, meeting his eyes that were full of frustration and confusion. I could see that he wanted to be angry at me, but he just couldn't seem to, he was trying to understand me too much for him to be mad and I loved him for that.

"Lane..."

"What is it?" He asked. "Just tell me what it is that's making you so hesitant, because you seem to be happy with me here, but whenever I bring up us having a relationship outside of this fucking project, you shut me down. What is it Dawn?"

I didn't say anything.

"Dawn, please just tell me, I don't want you to think I'm pressuring you or anything, but I can't take no for an answer again. I can respect what you want, but you need to tell me what it is."