A Mist of Frozen Ashes

Chapter 8

In just a few short hours, I've been reminded why I never wanted kids. What is it about teenagers that makes you want to wring their little necks? The constant eye-rolling, huffing breaths, and whining. Oh god, the whining! "It's too hard." "I can't do it." How am I meant to teach them the art of discipline when it's something I've always known? Complaints weren't a luxury granted to me at their age. I had to be strong because no one was going to save me and Saige. We had to do it ourselves and by we, I mean me. I stole, I fought, and I killed, all in the name of survival. The underbelly of Detroit was to kill or be killed; only the strongest survived.

Patience. Constantly, I have to remind myself that their losses are still fresh. Those memories and emotions are still raw; tender. They all have drive, I'll give them that. Each of them has his or her own goals and personal stakes in this fight. Fin and Willow are guided by a sense of duty to Kaius and his people for taking them in while Nolan, Emyr, and Phallon all have their hearts set on revenge. But goals can only take a soldier so far.

How do I strengthen Fin's timid heart and sharpen Emyr's savage rage into a focused weapon? Willow and Nolan are both motivated but while he lacks confidence, she has too much, making her arrogant and unreceptive. And Phallon? She reminds me too much of my sister, making it hard for me to be around her without feeling that loss all over again. Quiet and shy, she likes to fade into the background, letting Nolan and Emyr take the spotlight. But it's the eyes. Those deep brown, almost black, eyes hold a world of questions and a desire to have them answered. Hints of sorrow peek through but a light like that isn't so easily snuffed out. So hard I fought to keep that same light in Saige's eyes and I almost succeeded. Until I didn't. And that's what brought me here.

Standing in the hallway, I stare at the faded gold numbers engraved on the plaque. 407. Fear of failure is what brought me to Kaius' door tonight to tell him I can't train these kids. Fear of repeating the same mistakes is what made my hand raise to the wood. But I haven't knocked. A small part of me still hopes I could make a difference and that maybe, just maybe, this time I could get it right. A delusion. I start to turn around but suddenly the door opens and my eyes track scarred ivory skin, taut over sculpted abs, and pectorals. Low-hung pants display the beginnings of tempting V-lines.

"Rev?" Lukan inquires, making my eyes snap up to his. "What are you doing out here?" Footsteps slap against the floor before Kaius appears beside his friend, dressed in a black tank top that showcases his broad shoulders and large biceps. Oh, my testosterone. I need to get out of here. A familiar scent wafts past my nose and I inhale, catching the scent of marijuana.

"What's the matter, Reverie?" asks Kaius, his voice husky and eyes low.

My eyes dart up to the ceiling. "Uh, nothing. I was actually just leaving. Goodnight." The words tumble out of my mouth and I spin on my heel, preparing to get the fuck out of dodge. Slender fingers wrap around my wrist, halting my escape.

Lukan tugs me back, a smirk on his lips. "Uh, uh. You had plenty of time to leave when you were just standing outside the door." He had a point there. The fact that they knew someone was here is impressive too. "Come inside and you can tell us why you decided to visit Kaius in the middle of the night." His eyebrows wiggle and Kaius steps aside, making room for me to enter.

My head shakes from side to side and I try to tug my hand away from his, not putting in any real effort. "No, that's fine. I really didn't want anything. Well, I did but I changed my mind so you can let me go now and I can be on my way." My request falls on deaf ears as he continues to pull me until I'm inside, chuckling all the way. The door closes behind me, followed by the click of the lock. I glance around the apartment. Leather couches and obsidian oak floors paint the picture of masculinity with jackets and shoes strewn carelessly around the area. Just like my apartment, his wall-to-wall window displays the crumbled buildings and glistening river in the moonlight. The air is thick with the smell of weed and burning wood from the lit fireplace.