Pistanthrophopia

Chapter 4 "Age 15"

It's been eight months since V's death I still haven't forgiven or talked to my father for what he did. I left school and I'm now being homeschooled, Will has not left his room since V's funeral, I've brought him food and ate with him in his room. Father started working more and he's been distant wich I'm not complaining about.

I haven't had a full nights rest in six months, because every time I close my eyes I see her blood on my hands and clothes, with her lifeless body laying Infront of me. I keep thinking about my older brother for some reason. Lucian, he was my only parental figure, since our father was too drunk to be one. It was just us two before Will, I miss being the youngest, having an older sibling care for you. Lucian disappeared over two and a half years ago.

V and Lucian were close, even closer than me and Ivy. I wonder what really happened to him, the police says he got kidnapped but I think he ran away, nobody would want to live in a abusive household. The thing is, why would he leave me and Will behind when he said he would never leave us.

I sometimes think about how happy he looked when he held Will in his arms, I've only seen him that happy once and that was when mother bought him a binder, mother was the nice parent, father was nice until a few years after I was born. Lucian wasn't always my brother, he was my sister before he became my brother. His name was Harper, but then he changed his name to Lucian. Mother was supportive, but father wasn't, Ivy was so happy and proud of him for telling her, I didn't really understand what trans meant at the time, but when Lucian and V told me what it meant, I was happy to have a new brother.

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After I showered, I got dressed and went to go look if Will was asleep, he was. Father is on a busines trip till next week Saturday, so we won't see much of him for a week. Somehow I'm not hungry, I haven't eaten in five days, because I've been busy taking care of Will and my late night side job, so I really haven't had much time for myself.

I'm done with my homework and I want to go for a run. I dress in some gym shorts and my sweatshirt. I go out the front door and lock it behind me, the wind is cool with the late night breeze. I can see the stars, but just barely with the street lights. Me and Ivy used to do this when both of us had a tough day at school, it's about 11pm and people are still awake.

I run past Ivy's house and tears starts building up in my eyes, I go to our old hangout near the river. I sit down on one of the logs on the ground and listen to the water flowing down the river. Ivy loved making flower crowns out of the lavender under the willow tree, I liked watching her run around looking for butterflies. I miss her laughing and giggling at my cringy jokes, and Will falling in the water. It feels so lonely without Will and Ivy. I want to forget the past, but I can't.