Girlfriends

4

Ash found herself rethinking that interaction on her walk to the subway. She was so sure they were going to kiss and then they just...didn't. Ash had never been good about making the first move, especially when she wasn't sure how the other person felt. She was risk-averse, and diving into something only to be rejected felt like the biggest risk she could take. It could also have the biggest payoff, though.

She imagined what it would be like to kiss Emmie, being able to call her her girlfriend, holding her hand out on a walk. It could be so great, or it could all blow up in her face. Was she willing to risk that?

The week went by like the one before. Emmie got friendlier with the finance bros at work. They really weren't as bad as they seemed. The highlight of her days, though, was still talking to Ash. They started randomly calling each other over the smallest things.

"Emmie, I need you to settle an argument," Ash said with no other greeting. "My roommates—you still need to meet them, geez, I gotta get on that—they're saying that Red Lobster's cheesy biscuits are the best pre-meal restaurant roll, but I think the Cheesecake Factory's brown bread is superior. Thoughts?"

"Nice to hear from you too," Emmie said with a laugh. "First of all I think a discussion about Olive Garden's breadsticks needs to be had, but Red Lobster is winning for me. You just can't beat those biscuits."

"I called you looking for support! Unbelievable!" Ash said in mock disappointment.

The next day, Emmie called. "I'm going for a run and I hate every song I've ever listened to. Give me some music recommendations."

"I've waited for this day my whole life. Prepared for a flood of texts. No wait, should I just make you a playlist? I should. Send me your Spotify details, this is happening."

Emmie was sure she looked like an idiot, grinning too big as she ran through Philly, listening to Harry Styles, The Greeting Committee and a lot of Taylor Swift.

When Emmie had another incoming call from Ash, she wasn't too surprised. "What argument can I ruin for you now?" she asked.

"No arguments this time, I just need you to keep Friday night open. Can you do that?" Ash asked.

"Sure, what are we doing?"

"No questions. Just be free. I'll pick you up."

"Can I get a time at least?" Emmie asked, but Ash had already disconnected.

"Okay, it's right on this corner," Ash told Emmie, leading her down the street. She had eventually texted Emmie a time to be ready and picked her up on Friday, as promised.

"Should I, like, close my eyes? Do you want this to be a big reveal?" Emmie didn't have much experience with being taken to surprise locations. She didn't know what the protocol was.

Ash stopped at the corner. "No need, we're already here." She motioned to the building in front of them. It looked to Emmie like a graffiti covered warehouse, but she was learning that some of the best places in Philly were hidden behind nondescript walls. A line was forming on the sidewalk to enter the mystery building.

"I'm not sure what I'm looking at," Emmie admitted.

"This is The Warehouse. It's like a part bar, part club, part event space, and they do theme nights." Ash gestured toward the line, as if that should explain everything.

Emmie took a look at the people waiting and tried to deduce what the theme could be. It was nearly all women, plus a few folks that looked like they fell outside the gender binary. They were all varying levels of dressed up, some in crop tops and skirts, others in button downs and boots. Emmie couldn't make any connections between them. She looked at Ash again, who was grinning at her. She was wearing a shirt striped with every color of the rainbow and black jeans. Nothing about it pointed to any theme.

"I give up. What's the theme tonight?"

"It's Lesbian Night!" Ash declared.

"Oh," Emmie said. "That, uh, sounds fun but I—I don't want to occupy someone else's safe space."

"That's just the title, it's not like actually just lesbians. All queer folks are welcome regardless of your label," she explained.

"That's really great, but I kind of feel like there might have been a miscommunication. I'm not—I don't identify...I'm just trying to say I'm straight," Emmie said. For a moment she wondered if this was how coming out felt. She didn't expect it to be so tough to find the right words.

"You're...straight?" Ash echoed like she didn't quite believe it. "Sorry, I'm confused."

"Uh, me too, honestly. Did I do something to make you think otherwise? It seems like wires got crossed somewhere in all of this."

"Well, for starters, we've been going out on dates, so that gave me the idea that you were into women. Or, ya know, into me at least," Ash said, still sounding dumbfounded.

"Dates?" Emmie repeated. The knowledge that Ash thought she liked her hit Emmie hard in the chest. Ash wanted to date Emmie. Ash thought she was dating Emmie. Her brain didn't know how to compute that. "I just wanted to be friends. I thought we were just hanging out—I didn't realize."

"Emmie, we matched on a dating app. If you were just looking for friends, why were you swiping on gay women?" Ash asked slowly with an edge to her voice. Emmie had never heard her get mad, but she guessed this was the closest Ash got. She was searching Emmie's face, trying to find the answer in it.

"We...no, we matched on Bumble BFF. We were both looking for friends..." Even as she said it, the pieces started to click. The compliments women messaged her, the questions about what she was looking for. "It's possible I made a mistake."

"You wouldn't be the only one," Ash mumbled.

"I'm sorry," Emmie said, realizing she probably should have said it sooner. "This is really shitty. I didn't mean to lead you on or anything. I think you're great..." Emmie couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence.

Ash was willing to do it for her. "But you don't see me like that. You don't have to let me down gently. Believe it or not, you aren't the first straight girl I've caught feelings for." She said this last part with some humor, but neither of them laughed.

"I'm sorry," Emmie repeated quietly. "I'm going to go. It really has been great getting to know you, and if there's any chance you want to be friends after all of this, I would really like that."

Ash put on a clearly forced smile. "It was great getting to know you, too."

That was all Emmie needed to hear. It was over.

She got back on the subway alone, replaying everything. Their conversations, the first time they hung out, everything that happened after. How could I have missed something so obvious?