Unseen

Just another day

Sleep is my favorite time. When you're sleeping, none of your flaws matter. You can dream of anything. You can be anyone you want to be. It's a freedom from the harsh realities of life. It's also freedom from ourselves. Some people don't realize that not every problem is external. My struggles are mostly internal. I fight more with myself than anyone in the world. Just wishing I could be anything else than what I am. The worst part about internal struggles, is that you can't runaway. You can't runaway from yourself.
I sit up in my bed, cursing my alarm for interrupting my peace. I drag myself out of bed and begin my routine. I walk slowly around getting ready. After I'm ready I walk downstairs and my mom takes me to school. "So...any tests today?" I hear my mother speak through my music.
"I have one in math," I reply quickly to continue listening to my music.
"How do you think you'll do?" She asks again.
"Like I'm going to fail," half paying attention. My music is the one thing that keeps me calm. It helps me get through the school and any other problem. I walk into my school, hating myself for wearing my usual outfit. Black boots, black jeans, band shirt, and sweatshirt. Without my sweatshirt I feel uncomfortable. Even when it's 90 degrees out, I still wear it. I always hear the same thing. "Aren't you too hot?" Or the famous "how can you even wear that?" I always smile and say I don't know even though I do know. I could be dying of heat, but will always keep my jacket.
I walk through the doors waiting for everyone to scan my attire for the day. It always happens. It's not even a mean thing, it's just what they do. I walk slowly to my class and when I finally get there I take out my stuff and await the torture. I'm always thankful I don't have gym for the rest of the year because we only have it for 3 months. The rest of the day passes by slowly until I get to chorus. I love singing and my friend is in there too, but the teacher is a whole other story. She picks favorite and when she doesn't like you, there's nothing you can do about it. But like everything else, chorus also passed by. I don't sit in my cafeteria because it's crowded and just horrible. So me and some of my friends sit in a hallway. I only recently started eating the food. Being in sophomore year, I've just had my first high school lunch. I know how weird that sounds. It's true though. All through freshmen year most of sophomore year, I either packed or didn't eat lunch.
The rest of the day passes and suddenly it's time to get on the buses. Unfortunately for me, the buses is where "he" is. For those of you wondering who he is, well he's a guy I liked for over a year. He was really sweet and a little dorky. I started liking him freshmen year when he was a sophomore because I liked his personality. Although we were in different grades, we had the same math class. I had him in my math class all 3 trimesters in freshmen year and the first 2 in sophomore year. He and his friend would always talk to me and the more he did the more I fell for him. In freshmen year I was sick for 3 days and came back and he said he missed me. This year I was sick for 3 days and he changed. He stopped talking to me and so did his friend. I thought he just had a bad day. But after two weeks, I knew it was just me. He never spoke to me again. That was 7 months ago. I can't even remember the amount of times he made me cry. It sounds weak, but I was vulnerable and whether he knew it or not, he hurt me.
I step onto the bus and wait for the bus driver to start the bus and leave. Then I see him. Standing there, kissing his girlfriend. This Valentine's Day was the worst because he asked her out then. Even after all this time, it hurts to see them. He comes up on the bus and I look away. I finally make it inside my house and sit down. No ones home at this time, so I finally get my time by myself.
The rest of the day runs smoothly and I finally get to go to sleep and enter my own personally land of peace and freedom.