So Much For Shore Leave

CHAPTER FOUR

A/N: Apologies for the significant delay in updating this one--long story short I got engaged and married :D. Now that everything has calmed down from the whirlwind that was this year, I am looking forward to writing again. Now where were we....

"AAAGGH!" I yelled as I dismantled another droid with a hard strike of my saber. Was this number 147? 148? I had begun to lose count since starting the training session. Sweat poured from my head, my chest, pretty much everywhere. That's what I get for choosing a molten lava planet for this battle simulation, but I really needed to burn off some frustration.

As much as I hated to use that word, I was frustrated. Frustrated with the way I left the Captain yesterday, that I let my emotions get the better of me and looked like a fool, and frustrated that he didn't come after me.

"Ah!" I cried and clutched my shoulder. I got distracted and allowed myself to get hit by a blaster. Annoyed, I turned to face the droid that fired at me, outstretched my hand, and crushed him into nothing with the force. I spun around to destroy the droid approaching from behind me when my arm was caught mid-strike.

"Easy Shar," It was Anakin, smirking at me like he always does, even though my saber was mere inches away from his face. "It's only the first day of our shore leave, don't you think you're overdoing it?"

I glared at him and withdrew my blade. The simulation dissolved around us and any remaining practice droids retreated to their docking stations. The large training room was now empty and cold. I wiped the sweat from my forehead, "Maybe," was all I said, "But then why are you here? Come to train? What...is Padme in a Senate meeting or something?"

He shook his head and crossed his arms. I would sometimes tease him about Padme when we were alone. I was the only one who knew, and I would keep it that way, but that didn't stop me from throwing the occasional jab at him about it. Part of it was just harmless jests, but part of me could not help but be jealous. Anakin had found someone to share his life with, even if he had to hide it, there was still someone to come home to after the battle was over. I longed to know what that felt like.

"As a matter-of-fact..." he paused, looking annoyed, "she does, but that's not why I'm here."

I raised an eyebrow, then he continued, "Ahsoka said you left early this morning, and that I may find you here. She's not even sure if you slept last night."

That's because I really didn't. After leaving Rex I returned to my quarters at the temple, with every intention of getting some rest, but when I finally closed my eyes, I was plagued by a horrible vision. Darkness, thousands upon thousands of screams, the sinister red glow of a Sith lightsaber, lightning piercing the shadows, illuminating Count Dooku. He is standing over me as I scream and thrash in pain.

And then I woke up, soaked in a cold sweat, breathing heavily as if I had just sprinted back up the stairs in that tower on Chandrila. My eyes darted to the clock on my desk, only ten minutes had gone by.

That was when Ahsoka walked in and immediately met my gaze. "Shaara?" She asked, a little concerned about my appearance. "Everything okay?"

I hesitated to answer, still trying to shake that awful dream out of my head. "Yea, I'm fine," I said, trying to keep my voice steady and calm. "Just a little restless I suppose. I think I'm going to get some air." I stood up from my bed, Ahsoka crossed over to hers and sat down.

"Want me to come with?" She offered.

I shook my head. "I'll be alright, I'm sure you're exhausted after this tour. I'll just go grab us some food and come back. Anything in mind you would like to eat?"

She smiled and told me what to pick up for her. I made a mental note and left our shared quarters. I ran into a few fellow Jedi on my way down to the cafeteria, Master Plo Koon, Master Luminara, Barriss...acknowledging them all but really trying not to strike up a conversation with anyone. When I returned to our room Ahsoka had already fallen asleep-she was just as tired as I was. I wrapped her food up and placed it in our fridge with a note, and hopped in the shower. Perhaps getting clean would wash away this awful feeling I had. As I stood in the shower letting the hot water drench my body and calm my nerves, I looked down at my hand where the shattered glass had cut into it yesterday. All that remained from the once-deep gash was a subtle red line.

This was "an exceedingly rare and most precious ability" as Master Windu once put it--I could force heal. The last Jedi who could use the force to heal himself and others was killed a long time ago, so there was no one who could train me how to control it. I can mend cuts, gashes, wounds, broken bones, etc., but when it came to actually saving someone's life...I had yet to be successful. Not that it mattered anyway, I was ordered by the Jedi counsel to never use this ability to stop death or bring someone back to life, as this was a path to the dark side.

Still, my abilities certainly came in handy in battle situations. I've used the force to heal Anakin on many occasions when he gets in over his head. I've also healed many of our 501st boys, which is why our battalion has the lowest casualty rate in the entire GAR.

"Is your shoulder alright?" Anakin asked, snapping me out of my thoughts. I turned to look at the burning open wound on my left shoulder and placed a hand over it, exhaling as I willed the force to close up the wound.

"Fine," I said, taking my hand away to reveal nothing more than a bruise. "See?"

"Uh-huh," Anakin said. "Anyway, I am here because the Chancellor wants to meet with us after the Senate meeting. You, me, Ahsoka, and Rex."

"Great..." I sighed. "What for? We're on shore leave, aren't we? It can't wait until I've at least had a day to myself?" As much as I did not want to be in the same room with the Chancellor, I also really did not want to see Rex so soon after how things were left yesterday. A tiny knot began to form in my stomach.

"Unfortunately, no." Anakin shook his head. "He wants all of us to be present, it has something to do with the arrival of Miss Sionous."

I perked up. Well, that's at least a little bit exciting. Maybe I'll get a personal introduction. "What time?" I asked trying not to sound too eager.

"The Senate meeting should be over later this evening. I will call you when it's time. But Shaara..." He placed a hand on my shoulder, I could feel his concern. "Please take this time to get some rest, you look like a mess." He smiled.

"Thank you Anakin," I replied and placed my hand on his. "I assure you, I am fine, but perhaps I will lie down for a little bit." I lifted his hand off my shoulder and let it drop.

"No problem, oh but first, can you let Rex know for me? I've gotta go attend to some errands." He started to jog off.

"Wait, why do I have to tell the Captain?" I yelled back at him and he just waved me off—he knew exactly what he was doing.

"See you later, Shar!" He shouted and then disappeared out of sight.

I placed my hands on my hips and shook my head, this was him getting back at me for that jab I made about Padme earlier. I turned to leave, I had better get this over with. But first...I raised an arm in the air and smelled myself. Yikes!

"Another shower, then."