Broken Hearted Letters

For You x

Jenna, I guess you never really understood how much I loved you. I mean I assume it was love. Just maybe a really intense want or desire for affection; desire for you. Probably that. I spent months waiting for you sweetie. I remember when you promised you'd come back for me, I remember that night vividly. In a way you did, you came back for me and used me again.

I just can't get over how easily you play me, like some deck of cards with only one suite. Is it fun for you? Do you enjoy hanging me on some sort of string, pulling me closer to you then letting me out again. Like a huge tide of broken affection? I guess it's my fault. I let you. I don't know if you realise how much I care. How it kills me to get my heart broken by you yet I don't mind as much, at least I'm feeling some emotion because of you. I will always be there for you, I am so glad to pick up the pieces for you, to carry you and protect you. You should have let me be your knight in shining armour, I would have shielded you from everything this world can throw. Keep you enclosed in a bundle of love and kisses. Bu instead you said you could deal with it and left me without a sword. You left me defenceless when I would have given my life for you.

I would have made you my world, because that's really what you are. We could have done so much together, been so happy together, like a couple you on Tumblr or one you see in the movies.  We could have snuck out and danced under the stars, or made out during the rain. It could have been perfect

I'm not stupid, I know you never loved me. I know you never felt the same yet I kid myself into believing that you did. I yearn for knowing the real truth, without lies and expectations. Raw emotion is what I felt for you, and I know, I so unfortunately know, that you never ever felt the same. Did you? No you didn't.

I crave your affection, and your touch and your lips. I crave to be yours. I want for you to me call me yours. But I know we are past that. So I'm writing this today to tell you.

I want to be yours, and I so badly want to be loved by you. I want to kiss you and hold you and for you to be my first. I want to fall in love with you. But it won't happen. So now I'll go on the way to recovery, slowly trying to forget these emotions. Maybe I'll fall in love along the way, who knows. I just want you to know that it sucked horribly to be used by you. And please don't do that to someone else. You are the most beautiful girl I will ever meet. Thank you for being my first kiss. Thank you for the memories.

I, regardless, will always be there for you sweetie. Always, and forever. No matter what time. You will always be my first. I hope you realised that I wanted to put up with you. To help you and talk to you. Even if you thought that I didn't or that you didn't want to put me through that. I wanted to, I so wanted to.

Now don't go thinking I hate you, or don't go thinking you're the bad guy. You're not. I just can't. I can't be put through false hope anymore. Everyone said you were poison but I didn't listen. I knew you were better than what they said. Guess I should have listen. But you're still not poison. Jst maybe a strong love potion or even just a really nice tasting draft. I really need to stop referring you as potions.

I'd hate to see your heart break, so be careful in the future. I'd hate to see tears on your pretty, pretty face. You're too good for them. Who am I kidding? Your way too good for me. I don't know why I thought I could get a girl like you. A girl so beautiful nice and funny. Just overall perfect.

But it tore my heart open and I guess I just care about you too much. Mabye you just grew cold with the seasons, baby. Winter is a time for heartbreak.

However, do remember. I will wait for you. Like I have done, like I will do.

So thankyou and goodbye. I can't deal with anymore broken hearted letters.

Love always and infinitely

Taylor.