𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒶𝓇𝓉 𝑜𝒻 𝒹𝑒𝓃𝓎𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓎𝑜𝓊

the contemplating

May 9th, 2023.

Liverpool, England.

Today's the day, as almost every single person Eva stumbled upon on her way to anywhere honestly, chanted or shared with her.

The time was currently 2 pm and by today, people meant the day the very first semi final would take place, officially marking the start of this year's Eurovision Song Contest week.

The emotions were mixed, even for those who simply rooted for the contestants though weren't to compete themselves too. One could undoubtedly compare the feelings this day brought to the surface to a day of late March, or early April. Warm and sunny during the sunlight, though rainy, breezy and cold during the moonlight. A proper rollercoaster.

Eva knew first-hand how special today was, not only to her, but to the total of the Finnish delegation as well.

Finland was competing.

Their social media were on fire already, each and every member of the Finnish team uploading stories promoting the act or prompting the public to vote for number 15 in the running order and frankly, the replies they received here and there were beyond encouraging.

People wanted Finland to win. Well, not just win to be exact, they passionately wanted Käärijä to take over not only the stage, but the whole world as well. To break all records.

"i'm voting 20 times! IT'S CRAZY IT'S PARTY"

"OF COURSE WE'RE VOTING GO GET EM KING"

"GO UP THERE AND KICK ASS I KNOW YOU CAN"

"FUUUUUUCK I CAN'T VOTE TONIGHT BUT I'LL DEFINITELY BE VOTING ON SATURDAY!"

"CHA CHA CHA SUPREMACY"

"on my knees daddy"

"if he doesn't win i'll cry"

Were just -some- of the hundreds of thousands replies either Jere or the rest of the team received roughly every minute that passed. To be fair, it was the only scenario which made sense, the one where he'd without a hitch get in the finals, win his semi and sweep every board, unless all hell broke loose and the juries did him dirty.

Which was exactly what Eva was terrified of, but wouldn't dare say it out loud for the sake of both herself and the team in case Jere hears it. It's better you don't risk touching sensitive topics like such as defeat when you're constantly near Käärijä.

Whichever the case, it was still Tuesday meaning it was pretty freaking early in the game to be talking odds, winners and losers. Time will show all of these.

That is IF she makes it to Sunday afternoon without having blown her brains out first of all, to put it briefly and somewhat elegantly.

It was horrifying, how much of a haunting place, how much of a trap the mind could make for at times one feels vulnerable, belittled. Cause that's precisely what she felt. As if she was trash.

The days to the semi final passed as if they would never end, so slowly and torturously. Everyone surrounding her was in a rush both physically and mentally non stop, dragging her along whether they wanted it or not and all she could think about, all her brain was capable of processing and replaying was whatever shitty brain-teaser she had to sort out that was in progress between her and a special someone.

Words could not describe how guilty she felt for even recalling every single minor, insignificant moment they shared cause goddamn her, her mind never went there by accident anymore. It was now a way of living, a way of surviving this whole thing.