She

Chapter 3 - As In Sickness So Would I In Health

AN: Again, thank you to all the people who read, voted and commented on this story. Also, please excuse any weird English constructs here, as compared to the original story I am slightly rewriting it a little to fit the characters and the context, but English is not my first language (and I use English mostly in an academic context). Any English mistake or weirdness it's my fault.

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Her Winter Break is weirdly okay.

She realizes how much she misses the sunshine and the beach. She spends most of the daytime lazing around, watching their maid, Ava, cook all the dishes that her presence allowed Chaeyoung to grow up with. She spends the evenings watching TV with her mom and Michael, talking about everything but the pink elephant slowly shrinking into non-existence. She spends her nights watching crappy television and debating whether to call or text the last person she ever expected wanting to.

"You know," her mom says on Christmas Eve, uncharacteristically falling to lie across the foot of Chaeyoung's bed. It feels new and old, and Chaeyoung tries to stop hope from growing in her chest. "I thought you'd be going to more parties than this. I thought you'd want to meet up with all your old friends. How's Jiyeol?"

Chaeyoung shakes her head and throws her mom a pillow to rest her head against. "I haven't spoken to Jiyeol in a long time."

"He must be busy," her mom comments.

Chaeyoung snorts. "Yeah, busy," she says. "And mad because I told him I didn't want to sleep with him anymore."

Chaeyoung watches the TV and quirks an eyebrow in her mother's direction when she looks up in surprise. Her mom's shock transforms into amusement, and she laughs before reaching to hold Chaeyoung's ankle.

"You never cease to amaze me, Rosie," her mom chuckles. "You always did know what you wanted."

That makes Chaeyoung's smile fall. "Maybe I used to," she says. "I'm not so sure anymore. This year has been weird."

Her mom stiffens and falters. "I just want to be your mom again, Rosie."

Chaeyoung waits before nodding and reaches down for her mom's hand. "I know," she whispers as their fingers tangle together. "I know that. And I see that you're trying. I see how good Michael has been for you. I see how hard you've worked to get better." She frowns. "I'm proud of you for that, but ... I wasn't talking about you."

Her mom rolls onto her side and shuffles closer. She holds Chaeyoung's hand, and Chaeyoung feels so strangely upset by it that she doesn't know what to do.

"I did a lot of stupid stuff," she whispers, giving into a need that she has held for such a long time to be her mother's daughter. "I think I hurt a lot of people without meaning to. I keep doing all this stuff with no regard for the people around me, and I ... I think I've ruined something I didn't realize I needed not to ruin."

"Rosie ..." her mother starts, and Chaeyoung smiles, looking down at her lap as she picks at the edge of her top. "Are you okay?"

"There's this girl ..." she starts before scaring herself and stopping. If she says it out loud, it means it is real, and then it is something else she doesn't know how to fix. She shakes her head and laughs it off. Her mom moves closer and urges her chin up so she can see her. Chaeyoung shakes her head and then lets her face fall in worried disappointment. "I think I broke it."

Her mother reaches up to rub the worry from her brow like she used to so many moons ago. "What, Rosie? What did you break?"

Chaeyoung swallows and shakes her head. "I don't know," she admits. "And that is the problem."