Love The Way You...(Shaylor Fanfic)

Chapter 9: Fighting

Taylor's P.O.V
I looked at Shawn, he looked scared so I squeezed his hand making him know he shouldn't worry. "Okay." He said with a shaky voice. "I want you to," I began. "You want me to...what?" He questioned. I took a deep breath before speaking. "I want you to come out to your mom." I said.

His eyes went wide and he let go of my hand before standing up quickly. "Are you insane!" He screamed. "I can't do that." He added. I stood up and walked toward him but he moved away. "D-don't touch me." He stuttered. Shawn hasn't stuttered in front of me in a long time, I forgot how much I hate it.

"Shawn, don't be like that." I said walking toward him. "You have a chance to get over your fear, I don't. My fear of neglect is here and is never going to leave until I die, or perhaps even then I'll still be afraid. But you Shawn, you can get over it by just saying the simple words." I said moving closer.

"Taylor what if she doesn't like it, what if she disowns me? She's all I have left Tay!" He screamed again. "You have me Shawn." I said calmly. "You don't understand!" He shouted with anger in his voice. "My mother is all I have of my family, I know I still have you but my mother is my blood. I can't get left again. At least you have both your parents where as I only have one of them. Even if yours neglect you they're still around. Your situation isn't half as bad as mine!" He screamed.

His last sentence broke me, something snapped. "Excuse me?" I asked trying not to lose my shit. "You heard me. Your situation is not half as bad as mine!" He repeated. "Don't you dare say that Shawn! At least your mom pays attention to you and knows you fucking exist, even if Zac hurts you at least he acknowledges your bleeding existence. My parents don't care Shawn, they don't care! It's like I'm just a ghost around them, like I don't even exist. I have my tattoos and piercings because I want to seem tough so I'm not pushed around. This, Shawn, this isn't the real me!" I screamed pointing at myself.

"The real me is a sweet, nice, loving and caring little boy. I'm not dangerous at all, I don't want to be a bad boy, I never wanted that title. But I have it and it's the only thing that makes me feel less worthless. So don't you dare speak to me about how my situation isn't half as bad as yours. If anything mine is worse!" I screamed. "I embrace what my fear has given me, power. But you, you can't embrace pain. You can't use it for anything. You can't embrace vulnerability, it's worthless. But what you can do is make it go away." I said starting to cry.

"At least you can make your weakness go away, my weakness isn't even a strength. People are afraid of me Shawn, I don't like that." I said wiping my tears. Shawn was in tears as well hugging himself and shaking like a dead leaf in wind. We were silent for a couple minutes before I spoke.

"Shawn," I began softly. "If you love me, you'll come out. If not for me or us then for yourself, I would get rid of my fear if I had the chance...please Shawn." I continued. Shawn looked at me with tears streaming down his cheeks. "Taylor, I love you to death, but I just can't." He said. "Why not?" I asked with a hint of anger in my tone.

"If your mom really loves you she'll be okay with the way you choose to fly your plane. Aren't you sick of living a lie, aren't you sick of having to refer to me as just your friend around her. Doesn't it hurt you the way it hurts me?" I asked forcing my tears back. "Taylor I-" He couldn't find the words to say. I sniffed when I realized that he didn't love me. I was being such an idiot, all this fighting, crying, drama, pain, everything...all that for nothing. All that just to find that at the end of the day Shawn didn't and doesn't really love me.

"I see," I began. I broke eye contact and stared at the ground. "You don't love me." I said pulling my hands into fists. "Tay, I do lo-" He tried. "Don't lie to me Shawn." I cut him off. "If there is one thing you shouldn't do right now, that one thing is to lie to me." I said through gritted teeth. "I'm not lying Taylor, I do love you." He said, but I refused to believe him. He lied to me, his mother and God knows who else.

I wiped tears away from my eyes and looked at him. "Just get out." I said softly. "Taylor-" He tried. "Get out!" I screamed. "I don't want you here Shawn, leave!" I shouted. His eyes had hurt in them that made me want to cry more. He nodded his head and walked to my door. He opened it and looked back at me before leaving.

I was hurt I really was. I tried to compose myself but I felt my blood boiling, I was going to hurt him if I didn't tell him to go. I don't want to hurt him, I wouldn't dare hurt him. He's my baby, but I'm still on edge with him. I just need to calm down before I can talk to him.
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Shawn's P.O.V
I went down the stairs and out the door not caring if anyone saw me. I wanted to just go home and let my anxiety attack, which I haven't had in the past few months, start.

I ran home and opened the door quickly. I got in and slammed the door shut. "Shawn, is that you?" My mom shouted from where ever she was. I ignored her and ran up to my room. I slammed the door behind me and slid down my wall.

My breath was uneasy and my heart was beating quickly. I hugged myself to stop my body from shaking, but it didn't work. My body was shaking violently and my throat was closing in. I couldn't get air into my lungs and I was crying hysterically.

I screwed up with Taylor the way I screw up with my life. I do and say things I don't mean out of anger, sadness, depression, anxiety and basically everything and anything. I hate myself for snapping at Taylor. That wasn't even me talking it was someone else...something else actually.
~~~~
Did I have to? No. Did I want to? Yes. Sorry but I wanted more drama and them fighting with each other was perfect. So ya sorry for this break up between them. Shit happens. Chap 9 completed for you. Bii
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:-/I'm Okay.