The Restoration of Estwick House - Completed.

Ten

All I can say, is thank God for best friends. Billie had been an absolute lifeline this week. She stayed all day Tuesday even though she really should have been at the bakery. She helped me make calls, baked for me so I'd eat something, even if it was just a bite out of her creations to help her, it was something. She had been staying for dinner with me and Ezra, the 3 of us camping out in the living room and watching some rubbish mind numbing reality show that was so cheesy even I was smiling at it.

It's weird, grieving for someone when it's not a surprise. You kind of already do most of it, become at peace with the idea in advance of it happening. Everything was done, it was just a matter off a hand full of phone calls and then everything sorts itself out now it's with the funeral directors and the lawyers knew. We have the funeral next Friday and then it's all over,

I felt like a burden to everyone though. I was trying to get my mind back on track but it was just all over and me not sleeping wasn't helping matters in the slightest. I did this with my dad but I had mum there to guide me through it. What I couldn't understand was how you do it without the person who was your rock when you had to do it before.

It had been a lot of me just staring into space, Ezra bopping his head into my view with a soft delicate smile on his lips until I came back around. He hadn't brought up everything I'd said in my office that afternoon. He didn't mention me clinging to him, didn't ask about Nick. In fact, no one had asked about the absence of Nick this week. I hadn't spoken to him. He hadn't contacted me once this week and honestly, I didn't have the mental capacity to. I mean how does that go? 'Hi Nick, I know we haven't spoken since you left on Sunday but my mum died :)'? He wouldn't have come up anyway. He'd said that when we'd spoken about it. That if it happened during the week, he doubted he'd be able to get the time off work. We'd argued about that too. Considering he was self-employed.

"What are you doing?" Ezra laughed beside me as I played with the rice on my plate, making it into a stick figure with a fat head.

"It's you." Billie poked her head up, laughing at it as I added some spiked on his otherwise bald head.

"Ha, she got the head size right."

"HEY!"

"No, you're right Bill. It's not big enough. He as a big ass bowling bowl head." I smiled, making it even bigger as Billie laughed louder, Ezra fighting my hand trying to stop me. "In fact, Bills pass me that serving tray."

"Oh, come on Harps that's over the top." I pushed his hand away with my foot, lifting it from my chair when he reached for the fork.

"Hello? Anyone home?" The room fell silent. 4 eyes falling on me as I sat up straight, mushing up the drawing on my food and suddenly not feeling hungry at all. I didn't think he'd come back. I mean, he always did. But I don't know. I wasn't expecting him back here today. "This is a lot of flowers. Did I miss someone's birthday?" His voice echoed through the rooms, footsteps getting closer as the 3 of us were frozen in place. "James? Oh. Hi guys. Who's birthday was it?" Billie scoffed, taking my plate, and standing up, moving across to the sink, and washing up. Nick pointed at her and I shook my head. "It's not yours. I know that."

"You sure about that?" Ezra prodded and I kicked his leg before getting up with a sigh.

"We need to talk." I pulled down the hood of my jumper as I walked closer to him, turning sideways to get through the doorway without touching him and walking back through the house, out the front door. I moved well away from the door, pulling a pack of cigarettes from the pocket of my hoodie. An old habit that reappeared at some point on Tuesday, stealing one of the builders' smokes. I didn't see the point in hiding it. It's not like anyone would blame me right now.

"What's going on James?" He eyed the stick as I lit it, eyebrows narrowing in confusion.

"Mum died on Monday."

"What? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Would you have come up?"

"I told you I coul-"

"Would it have changed anything then, if you knew?" I blew the smoke out the side of my mouth. "Because I have a feeling I know the answer is no it wouldn't have. All that would have changed is that you'd have text me. Right? And I have barely been able to eat let alone check my phone so I doubt I'd have answered."

"You didn't even give me a chance James." He fanned the smoke out of his face.

"I didn't need to give you a chance-" I scratched my forehead. "I know it's not exactly a shock, I know we were expecting it, but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. And you didn't even drop me a text when I hadn't messaged all week. Not even a quick, hey checking in because we haven't spoken all week. Not a 'want to do something this weekend' not even a good night or a good morning text."

"I was still mad James."

"And yet if the shoe was on the other foot, if you hadn't texted all week even after an argument, I'd have still text you good morning the next day and you know it. In fact, I did." I pulled my phone out and opening the text I'd sent him at 6am Monday morning. Just a simple have a good day. "I put it out there and you just didn't reply and literally not even 7 hours after I sent that I got the call and it was fucking Ezra who's there to scoop me up off the floor? My boyfriend of 4 years, who knew what was going on, hadn't even text me good morning and my ex is there holding me whilst I screamed and cried? What is up with that?"

"I'm sorry did you say ex?" Shit. Roll with it. "You and Ezra? The man that's been living with you for the past 2 weeks is your ex-boyfriend?"

"I love how that's what we're focusing on." I shook my head taking a deep breath.