Success In Progress

4. All Alone

I didn't sleep the first night.

I was worried that someone would try to grab me and use me as a sex slave or mug me for my two dollars. I didn't even know where I would sleep if I wanted to. The ground looked disgusting and there was no way I was going to take my chances in an alley. When I got unbearably hungry in early hours of the morning, I bought a small breakfast burrito from a nearby fast food restaurant. I was left with fifty cents to my name. The realization of my situation hit me slowly as I walked down the street and then all at once, causing me to stop and lean against a wall. With the burrito in hand, I slumped down in the secluded part of the street where I had stopped and began to cry. After a few minutes, my stomach reminded me that I needed to give my body some nourishment, so I began to eat the burrito. It was a delicious mixture of eggs, sausages, and my tears.

Once I was finished, I took out some letters and read them through my tears. I cried harder when I read the parts where my mother begged me to write her back because I knew that I would have wanted to. All the pain and sadness in my life would have been a little more bearable with her words there to help me through it. Before I knew it, I had exhausted myself and fallen asleep right there on the street.

A honk woke me up and I groaned as my head hit the brick wall behind me. I reached up to rub the back of my head, my face scrunched up in pain. My letters were slightly scattered around me and I quickly gathered them, counting them all to make sure that none of them were missing. I looked around and saw that the sun was just beginning to come up. I must have only slept for two or three hours.

As I stood, I felt an extra weight on me and I saw that someone had placed a multi-colored, wool blanket over me while I slept. I was slightly comforted by the thought, but another part of me was creeped out. I checked my pockets to make sure that I had my fifty cents and then I checked my body to make sure that all of my clothes were still on. When I found the money and saw that my clothes were all on and in tact, the comfort that I felt from the blanket rose and I began to tear up. Someone was nice enough to make sure that I wasn't cold at night. My faith in humanity was slightly restored. I wished that I had something to write a thank you note with, but instead I folded the blanket and I hoped that whomever it belonged to would see my gratitude.

The next day was brutal. The rays of the sun were hitting especially hard and it angered me since I knew that the day before had been a cooler one. I didn't want to take my jacket off in fear that someone would take it from me or that I would lose it. I trudged along, knowing that I would be very smelly from my sweat once nighttime arrived.

As I walked, I watched others live their lives around me. I never knew how oblivious humans could be to a tragic or sad story. I wasn't judging, since I had been the same way, I was just observing. I walked by at least three small groups of people and five couples who were all consumed in their own lives to care that there was a young girl walking around with a cloud of sadness and loneliness around her.

With that thought, I realized that I really was lonely.

This life that I had decided to live was going to be lonely for the next month. It would be longer if somehow my mother didn't get out when she was told she was going to be released. That realization made me look around at those people again and see that they weren't ignoring me or being terrible people by not caring about a young homeless girl. They were so happy and comforted by the company of others that they didn't want to be brought down by my cloud. Happy people want to stay happy unless there is an emergency. I couldn't remember the last time I was happy and at this point, I didn't want to remember. I shook it off and kept walking.

The few hours of sleep that I had gotten did nothing but make me groggy and even more exhausted than I'd been hours before. I needed to find a place to sleep where I felt safe and when I saw the big, expensive-looking homes around me, I felt a little more like I was at home. My house was nothing like those homes, but my father had kept the yards well groomed and the inside well furnished. I went through the backyards of some of the homes with side entrances, hoping to find an open door. When I did, I walked inside triumphantly. I scanned to see if they had a clock somewhere and when I saw the giant one over the mantle the time read 10:17AM. With a happy sigh, I lay on their couch and decided that I could stay until at least two. If they had any children, they would be out of school around that time. After a few moments of getting comfortable, I listened to my breathing to soothe myself and eventually fell asleep.

"What are you doing in my house?"