The Eternal Return

Faults

Snapping the seatbelt back, I groan and rub my eyes. Squinting out the cracked windshield, I tried to figure out where I was, but nothing looked familiar. Shoving the door open, it creaked loudly, disturbing the otherwise quiet of the country side. I looked over at the driver's side. The door hung open and whoever was driving the wrecked car was now gone. I couldn't remember who it was, but I felt a ball of anger at them having left me. Tripping on the grass, I climbed the slope up to the dirt road and away from the smoking car.

Lining the road I stumbled along, trees towered up and clawed at the sky. Morning sun streaked through the green leaves making their veins stand out and cast spindly, long shadows. My head throbbed as the rocks beneath me bit into my soles. I had no idea where I was.

            Freshly cut grass, glittering with dew, assaulted my nose. The sun left gaps of light on the path in front of me and I jogged through each one I could find, letting the meager light warm me. Trees gave way and pasture spilled out around me. The grass shocked my bare feet and I glanced down at my blurry, wrecked clothes: party dress, torn stockings, the rarely worn jewelry. I didn't look injured other than a few weeping scratches.

            A soft tune drew my attention back to the clearing and I squinted, trying to see without my glasses. I tread slowly, feeling a knot of anxiety build. As I neared the sound, a blurry lump became clearer. It was familiar, not an animal, but a person. The grass below me whispered in unison with the eerie humming from the child.

            I glanced around the clearing, but saw no one else. Why was she out alone? The humming abruptly stopped causing me to pause. The little girl turned her large, bespectacled brown eyes to me. Her long, dark hair brushed the ground and she wore ill-fitted clothes.

            It was me.

            I sunk to my knees – it couldn't be real. We stared at each other before she spoke: "Where were you?"

            "Uhm... I... I don't know." My voice was gravely; I licked my lips, the sour, dry taste in my mouth. The sun shifted, striking my eyes.

            Little Me tilt her head in question, but then turned her gaze to the grass. "I've been waiting a while." She plucked out a blade of grass and started to tear it up. "Was getting bored."

            I let out a hoarse laugh. "Nothing boring about being a kid."

            She shot me a look and I was surprised at how unwelcoming it really did look. And I remembered: "Oh, yeah. Right."

            She went back to pulling out grass and after a second, I joined her. Everything seemed too real, the rock jabbing my leg, the warm sun against me. It couldn't be a dream, but I really wished it were. Nobody would believe it, though, I wasn't sure if I'd even tell anyone.

            "Why are you out here?" I finally asked.

            "Ran away, again," she replied without looking up.

            Usually, when I ran away... it was always for the same thing, so I nodded. "Ah."

            She tossed the handful of grass and it fluttered around us. "You still wear glasses?"

            "Yup."

            She pouted. "Dang, I was hoping I got rid of 'em."

            "No such luck, kid."

            "Well," she leaned back on her palms and stretched her small, tanned legs in front of her. "Where are they?"

            "I don't know."

            "You don't know a lot," she grumbled.

            "True." I bit my lip, trying to focus on the fleeting thought. "Is this like... some sort of cosmic intervention?"

            "I don't even know what that means," Little Me replied. "Do you need something like that?"

            "Maybe. Probably." I reached out and poked her bony shoulder. Solid. How was it possible that the me, that looked maybe around six, could be physically sitting here? I hardly remembered anything before ten, but staring at her and her hunched shoulders and the way she still tore at the grass... there was no mistake. Leaning back, I glared at the sky and took in deep breathes. Maybe I was dead, my body still in the car.

            Little Me stood, casting a shadow over me. She planted her fists against her hips and gave me a sour look. "I've got to go."

            "What, why?"

            She shrugged. "Well, I've got to go back. You know, I always did." She gave me a strange sort of smile then.

            Before I could even formulate a reply, a weird jarring feeling in my chest, her little form started to shimmer and she turned, disappearing into the sunlight. Standing, I brushed little torn pieces of grass off of me and headed back to the road. For some reason, I felt I had to go check the car again.