All For You

Chapter 1

Once upon a lifetime, there's a moment where you don't know what to feel anymore. The only thing you can do is cry, cry your heart out.
I don't know what to do anymore.

Shi Leng, my full name.
Although, I don't think I'm worth that name anymore. My father was the one that gave it to me.

Why not? You'd ask? He was the one who killed my mother.

So, I killed him.

When I was 8 years old, I returned home from school. I came home to a screaming mother from her bedroom. My brother held me to stop me from going in so father wouldn't hurt me too, but I had to. I couldn't bear the sound of it anymore. But in the end, there was nothing I could do about it. By the time I pushed out of my brothers grip and entered the room, she was already dead. My dad stood there, with a knife in his hand. What happened later, I cannot recall. I can only remember that we lived onwards pretending like nothing happened.
It worked for a month.

Until I came home from school yet again, finding someone dead.

Brother! Brother! I'm home!

.....

There was no answer.

Brother!

Yet again, silence.

Brother...?

....silence...

I walked to his room, knocked on his door,

Yet, there was no answer.
Maybe he isn't home?

I opened his door

AAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!

There he hung, to a rope.

Brother..
I never imagined he was the one who give up, after everything he told me.
When I got closer tho him, I saw an paper on the ground. It had my name on it.

Brother.

I opened it with shaking hands

Brother,
I hope that it is not father who sees this letter, if it may reach you first. Burn it. The words I may say will put you in great danger.

Im sorry Brother, after everything I have told you, I was the one who gave up.
I was tormented. How were you able to pretend like he wasn't the one who killed our mother? Did you not care? He abused her, day and night. After he found out she was courting with another man, he got mad with fury and ended her life. Yet, you still do not hold grudge against him. What is wrong with you? Have you never thought of killing him?

I thought, that if he'd give me a letter, it must be something kind.

But what I read led me down another path.
I did hold a grudge against my father, I was furious. But because brother was never mad I tried not to be, but it seemed I looked emotionless.
I was furious. It wasn't my fathers fault completely... but mine...? Did this letter truly explain why he ended himself? I still don't understand.

I went mad with fury. My father came back from a mission in the evening. I was supposed to be asleep already. But I was ready to end his life.

When he came home, what was waiting for him was not food on the table ready for him.
It was a daughter with a knife in her hand.

That was the night I killed him.