Zhan-ge was right, he does need a psychologist... but he was also afraid of this step. Every time for several years, he saw Xiao Zhan come from work, from the first, from the second, sometimes from the third, quite tired and not able to even take a shower, immediately fell into bed to sleep. He also managed to combine work with his studies. When the bright, cheerful, smiling gaege in his eyes began to slowly fade... gradually the sincere smile disappeared as well. He witnessed it only occasionally. And it was all because of him.
Originally, Yibo wanted to heal faster and stop being a burden to Xiao Zhan. He really wanted everything to be okay and for a sunny smile to reappear on his gege's face, just like back then. And it was appearing!
Every time he was one step closer to healing, saw that smile come back to him, was happy to see her. But she brought not only happiness, but became Yibo's greatest fear... Xiao Zhan would forget about him. Staying late at work, going out to unwind, constantly talking to someone on the phone and it was all distancing him from him. He seemed to have a choice, to remember but be forgotten, to forget and be loved... and he chose the latter. He decided that since it would be like that, he would be willing to forget everything in the world, just so his gaege would look at him like that forever. With love, with care. Thinking and worrying about him...
But today he forgot his way home, after which he realized how serious the whole situation was. His illness... for he had forgotten even where he had left his phone. There was nothing in his hands, no number of Xiao Zhan and Xiao Lu he couldn't remember. Not the address of the house. Absolutely nothing. It was like a little man in a big city where he had no one and it scared him more than ever. But Lu-jie found him almost immediately and they returned home together. Both were silent, both didn't know exactly what to say to each other now. For even a simple "I'm sorry" couldn't be uttered out loud. It seemed as if he could not change anything with that word. Again. He was inconveniencing his closest people in the world again.
And after talking to Xiao Zhan, he was even more convinced of how selfish he was being. But there was nothing he could do about it...he doesn't want to. He doesn't want to be cured. Doesn't want them to forget him.
But if he forgets them? Like today he forgot the way home he knew by heart. What if he also forgets Xiao Zhan? Nothing will remain in his memory, not even his name. He will repeat to him about who he is, and Yibo won't even remember him... Rising from his seat, he picks up his notebook and begins to write down everything. Anything related to them, just in case it actually gets wiped from his memory...
"Xiao Zhan. This is the most important person in your life. Don't forget him. Absolutely not, Wang Yibo. If you are reading these lines, then my greatest fear has come true, but regardless, you must remember him. Xiao Zhan, who was always there for me, protecting me, loving me, teaching me to write, reading me, hugging me when I cried, comforting me when I was angry, feeding me when I was hungry. He did everything in the world to make you feel good. Don't you dare forget him. Don't you dare forget your feelings for him. He's your dearest person in the world" read the lines about his gege. He wrote a lot more, about his eating habits, what he liked to do in his spare time, and which toothpaste he liked best. Every single detail.
He mustn't forget him...
"I love him. I love him madly. But alas, not as a brother..."
***
It's been so many years. How much time, how much had happened. It was as if everything the three of them had been through passed before their eyes in one frame. The mere sight of the man across the street reminded him of the thorns in his heart that he never wanted to remember. Not to think, not to know, not to hear... And the very first thing that came out of her mouth made his heart freeze with fear...
- Don't even think about it. You're not taking him anywhere, - Xiao Zhan interrupts her without listening to the end, and the woman opposite blinks her eyes in surprise in response, as if she expected a completely different reaction. But he continues without paying attention to this, - Because of you, he has health problems. Because of you he has been seeing a psychologist for so many years. You've caused him a lot of trauma. How can you come in here now after giving up on us and demanding my brother for yourself?!
- Don't talk to me like that. I am, after all, your mother! - The woman angrily throws back and Xiao Zhan freezes in surprise, not even knowing what to say to such words. The lump that burns down his throat at some point becomes so bitter that he just wants to pour it all out, and it doesn't matter how.
- Yes, mother, - he says with a chuckle. And he realizes how ridiculous "mother" sounded...
- I understand that Yibo isn't my own son. But he has a father, and a child should grow up with his parents. Isn't that right? - Apparently she takes this chuckle as a change of good humor and begins to continue. But Xiao Zhan only hears such crazy words from her that she wants to laugh loudly, very loudly.
- And Lu and Me? - he answers her and the "mother" puts on her mask of innocence all over again, pretending she doesn't understand what she's being told, - Aren't we your children? Didn't we deserve to grow up with you? Why do you only want to take Yibo and not me and Lu?
- Because Yibo isn't yet of age...
- Were we when you took us to the gate of the orphanage and left us to freeze in the cold weather? - He interrupts her, - You know what? You just found yourself some man and forgot about your own kids. And now you come back after all these years and want to take my brother. Yibo is my brother! Not your son, not this man's son. He is my brother!!! - he grinds these last words out through his teeth and realizes that if he stays in this room one more minute he will definitely go mad, - If you take him away, he will forget me. I won't give it to anyone. Not to you, not to him. I've been an excellent substitute for both of you all this time, and I'm sure I can do the same.
Those were his last words. He walks away. Without turning around, without even giving this woman a chance to say anything back. He didn't want to see her now. No, he never wanted to see her again. He had seen perfectly well how Xiao Lu had suffered without her, how she had had to work her ass off, not even caring about her appearance. He still remembers those eyes of his sister's that looked at the dressed up, passing girls, how they suddenly sparkled with admiration and just as quickly faded, realizing they couldn't afford it. Remembers Yibo asking Xiao Zhan every night if he would leave, if they would leave him. Remembers those puppy-dog eyes that were afraid to hear something bad in response. They've been through so much... and now they want to keep them apart? Isn't that so... mean... mean of the woman he called with all love his mother...
***
When Xiao Zhan said that Xiao Lu was in the hospital and injured, she immediately headed over here. Now sitting next to her, she knew more than ever that she couldn't just watch this person in pain. Even if she was asleep, Bai Lu knew, after she woke up, the pain would come to her and frankly, she didn't want that. If it were her will, she would take all the pain to herself...
- You'll wake up! And I'll make you quit! - she said her thoughts aloud, looking at her sleeping friend... and realizing that she wasn't heard at all, but it didn't matter. She just wanted to take the opportunity to scold her now, because she knew that as soon as Lu woke up, she wouldn't even be able to say anything to her in that tone.
