I'll teach you to love again Taegikook

2023 part 2!!!!!!!

Hey um it's probably the last update.

I kinda wanted to update you guys about the first 2023 post I did which should be above this post.

I am a month late a lot has happened between march which is when I last posted and now in may very close to June as I write this.

So far this year sucks for me. Even though it does have some good moments. I did managed to watch the Mario bros movie 2023 with my friend. It was good. Bts came out with some great music and so on.

If you do read my other stories you already know what happened but just in case you didn't.

In April my mother had passed away. She had gotten the double lung surgery and gotten an infection in one of the lungs. So they took it out and she only had one lung left.

Then the infection spread to her stomach. So they also took a piece of her stomach out. Then the rest of her stomach got the infection.

At that point there was nothing the doctors could do. After that she passed away.

I feel like an idiot when the doctor was explaining what was going on with my mom and that they did everything that they could do.

I thought she was going to have to spend a year or two in recovery at the hospital.

It didn't click right away that she was going to pass away.

The day my mother passed away I went to the ER because of my heart. My heart would not beating so fast and I was twitching a lot. I took a Benadryl. My heart rate and twitches calmed down.

When I was younger I thought I would pass away after my mother due to a broken heart.

I'm glad that I'm still here and that never came true.

Even a month later it still hurts. It hurts a lot. I was very close to my mother.

My mother was my everything. But now that she's gone I don't know what to do.

To be honest it doesn't feel real at all.

After she passed everything around me feels fake and empty.

It still feels like she had passed away yesterday even though it's been a month.

I have been seeing a doctor to help me I'll be starting a new medication soon.

But it really does hurt I haven't been doing the things I loved to do/I don't feel that much enjoyment when do I the things I did love.

I do listen to Bts music because it does help but it only does so much.

All of Bts members voices when singing/rapping are calming to listen too.

Especially  Taehyung and Jungkook, at Nighttime. ( I want to put all their names down here but it is true though something about Taehyung and Jungkooks voice helps me to sleep more so Taehyung ):

Night time is when the depression gets worse.

It's even hard to watch the shows that I liked.
Demon slayer just came out with a new season I used to be pretty excited about hearing that a new season was coming out.

Demon slayer was a show that I used to watch with my mother. It was the only anime I managed to get her to watch with me.
We watch 2 seasons and the movie that was turned into episodes.

But right now I can't bring myself to watch the new season even though I want too.

Same with the Netflix show Wednesday, they are also coming out with a new season maybe. And I'm not sure if I would be able to watch it right now when it comes out.

and 90 days fiancé. Well now I watch YouTube videos about people talking about 90 day fiancé it does make it a bit easier hearing people talk about it then me actually watching the show.

I was also excited to play legend of Zelda tears of the kingdom. ( not a Huge fan of the price tag though ):
I love the game I have been playing it almost everyday but I don't get that much enjoyment out of it because of how I've been feeling.

I was planning on going to the movie theaters to watch the new five night at Freddy's movie when it comes out In October with a good friend of mine. I want to go.

But I have been having second thoughts.
Because the way I feel right now is probably not fully going to go away by October especially that my birthday is in November.

I'm hoping with the new medication I'll be able to go with him to the movies.

I haven't said anything to him because I'm not too sure myself.

I'm sorry if this is long I'm just writing out how I feel to get it off my chest and let some things out. I even cried when writing this because this all feels so fake.

I still can't wrap my head around the fact that my mom has passed away.

Again sorry about writing all this and accidentally making it very long.

I hope by writing this out I would feel a bit better and get some rest. I've been up all night. It is currently 6:01 am where I live.

Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this.

I hope you guys have a great day/night.