Unshackled

Unstable

That day passed uneventfully, Ray and April sleeping through most of it. Later on in the afternoon they climbed up to the rooftop and threw blankets down, laying out in the warm sunlight. Vinny had food delivered to them when they called, making one of his employees climb all the way up to the roof with their food and drinks. It took him two tries, the second time he delivered it safely, his uniform covered in tomato sauce and sticky spilled soda. They could hear Vinny down below bellowing at the poor kid to clean up the mess he had made in the cubby.   

After they had demolished the takeout, the GWORLS continued to tan, ignoring any intruders of their peace, i.e, the boys. When the teasing got too much they called Vinny again, who chased them all away from the rooftop, leaving Ray and April in peace.

Ray's phone chimed, and she picked it up. Tommy had texted her.

About last night. Do you want to talk about it?

She pressed her lips together into a straight line, deciding to leave him on read for now. She wasn't going to interrupt quality girl time yet. 

"I heard that sigh," April said, unmoving from her position in the sun. "Did Tommy text you?"

"Yeah," Ray admitted. "He asked if I wanted to talk about last night."

"Uh-huhhh..." April said, sitting up. "And do you?"

"Not right now I don't."

"What do you think you're gonna say when you do?"

Ray bit her lip, thinking. "I... I don't know." She huffed another sigh. "I don't like miscommunication. So I need to tell him something. What do you think I should do?" 

April shrugged her shoulder. "Hey, don't ask me. MY only long-term relationships crashed and burned." 

Ray chuckled at that. "Yeah I guess you're right. Well, I guess I have to address it eventually." She picked up her phone again.

As much as I'd rather NOT talk about it...

You know where I stand right now. Last night I slipped up in my focus, but I still want to focus on me. I hope you aren't hurt by me saying this...

Ray sent the text, then groaned and laid down on the blanket. "I hated that. I hated it I hated it."

"What did you tell him?"

"I was honest..."

"Oh shit," April said, swiping Ray's phone and looking at the message. "Holy- Ray, whyyyyyyyyy?"

"I just..." Ray sat up, putting her face in her hands. "I don't want to hurt him, I don't want him to think there was more to it than there was..." 

She heard her phone chime again and April inhale slightly. She snagged her phone back from the redhead.

Hmm... Can't say that doesn't sting a bit. But I understand. I honestly didn't expect that to happen last night, either. 

Ray felt like puking. She hated hurting Tommy. But simply the fact that his opinion of her was affecting her so deeply was bringing back memories of wanting to please someone so much that she ignored her own needs. And right now her personal growth was the most important thing to her. 

Tommy was actually being very kind in saying what he did. He wasn't berating her for her choices. He wasn't trying to gaslight her into second guessing herself. 

She texted him back. I hope you know you were amazing. You had me second guessing myself already. 

Thank you.