Police - Put your hands up!

Introduction

Greetings here! This is not a story, it's like a diary about my job, goals, and a little bit about my private life.

I'm a policeman, a fresh one, and I'll write here about my experience, and if something interesting is happening.

My name is Kaleb. This is not my real name, because I can't use it in public.

But start from the beginning.

I was so lost and felt like nothing ever happened. I needed some rules in my life, plans, and so many things. I really like planning my days to write a "to do list" and I'd be happy if I made it. When I did my exam work I was so proud of myself because I made it. And... I needed these edges.

But I realize so fast, I won't find this at the police. If i'm honest I really hate to be here. So many people who are negative, selfish/envy, disgusting (personality), and they love bullying the weaker, the new one. And yeah, this is me.

I'm not so strong, and on average I'm small. Little bit interesting, because... maybe I will talk about this later. And everybody likes bullying me. I can't do anything, because I am just a probationary police kiddo. Sooooo much younger than everybody. They talk with me like I don't know anything about the world, or about myself. Like.... They are sad and so negative, what they know, about happy life? And now... I'm happy if I have a good partner, if I play at home, or just listen to music, singing, vibe with good things. Do you know this feelings?

I am that kid who is always there, but nobody notices. The helper, who never gets any help. I don't like this role tbh... Everybody uses me, and this is hard sometimes. I never wait to give that back, or things like this, but... Never get anything, it's hard. If they know me more, they use me. It is somehow funny to me. And one of my biggest mistakes is, I can't say no. Not because I will feel guilty, just... I always think, "What if I'll be in this situation?" Then I just help them.

A sharp shift...

My private life is kinda complicated, bc I don't have a girlfriend, but I madly love someone. And... sometimes she gives me signs, sometimes she just hates me. I won't understand women. Yeah, this is complicated to me. I want to prove to her, I could be that man that she deserves. I promised to myself, I'll be a better person, just for her. But... We aren't talking, so it's a little bit hard to prove it. - nervous laugh - But I hope one day, she wants to be my girlfriend, and then I can give everything what she wants. I saw what kind of house she wants, and if I make enough money.... I can build it for her. But.... I can't see any cache for this. She is so perfect, and... Unavailable. She is... Just... My one and only love in my whole fucked up life.

And this is the introduction. I'll here some stories as soon as I can!

Strength and health! Let's love the police!