I am Not...

Shame to the Family

I was going about my day, when I get these passive aggressive voice messages about how I am bringing shame to the family and community, yet again.

"Finally, you get some respect and you are going to throw it all away over some mindless thought of wanting to be an independent woman! Stick with your husband even if he is the worst, don't bring shame to the family!"

She heard these words from the ones she loved. Why is it that the script of a woman's life, especially that of a brown woman, is written by everyone else other than her? And then her white colleagues pretend to equate their experiences to hers while questioning, 'what the big deal is about an ethnic minority woman!, And why should you get special treatment?'

I think, well, why don't you start living a life of sacrifice and obedience to some archaic values, that dictates what place you are put on ( below that of a husband) and how you should conduct your life. Try not to do anything fun for a decade or more, with just family and no career, and then tell me how I should feel!!!

It doesn't matter whether a man is white, brown or black, they have it easier than a woman of colour, especially a first generation woman of colour. The hurdles a 1st gen immigrant woman of colour has to jump through is not just societal expectations but also the lifelong indoctrination of how the so called 'good family woman' should behave!

How would you feel, if you are told that you are supposed to stand on one leg balancing on a wire all your life just to appease those who are watching you balance it so very well?

If we never question the norm, the norm will engulf our whole lives, and women will still be just child bearers and part of the furniture. UK would still be in the 1950s, where white women were the so-called pariahs of family virtue, and she was frowned upon when she tried to rub off from her resume the role of ' good wife and mother', which literally was her whole resume until then!

Brown women are a little late to the party, partly due to the subjugation through religion part and ofcourse the British morality thrust upon the natives.

Before we were conquered, matriarchal societies thrived in some of the commonwealth countries. But, when white men couldn't control their white women, they turned their eyes to distant shores where they could moral police other cultures instead. And, ofcourse the trend caught on and here we are, a little late, yet fully committed to the cause of grabbing the reigns of our life into our own hands.

No, thank you, we don't need any white-saviours or men-saviours, we are perfectly capable of fighting our own battles, and if you want to be our allies, then please spread the message for equity and affect change through action, instead of complacency.