IRON GOD | 2: Empyrean

[4] Xigon: Chrysalis

    What pure flowers grew here once, before I knew the bones beneath.

    Xigon only half-registered that he was reading the same sentence over and over again. The words unraveled into meaningless letters, and the letters became meaningless shapes on the page. With a sigh, he closed the book and leaned his head into his hands. He felt lightheaded. Nothing felt entirely real, as if he were in some lawless otherworld.

    He'd never dreamed, not once in his life. Was this what a dream was like?

you stole something precious

He jolted in his chair. The voice hadn't come from any direction he could discern. But he'd been hearing it for weeks now.

stole from me

proud of you

    Kaosaan kept going on about that. How he'd stolen something or how proud she was. He had no idea why. The Destroyer usually left him alone unless he was torpid. Then she'd constantly be whispering in his ears, trying to share her secrets with him. It took everything to tune her out.

    Kaosaan's wisdom was infinite, as was her hope. Something she knew compelled her to lay waste to reality. Xigon didn't want to know whatever it was. He feared what he'd become if he listened to her long enough.

"Please, Kaosaan," he whispered. "Spare me your curse."

blessing

A dark blotch floated across his vision. Xigon lifted his goggles up and rubbed his eyes. They stung as if they'd filled with smoke. Then a sharp pain spiked through his chest, so intense he nearly fell out of his wheelchair.

Ignoring Kaosaan, he put his goggles back on and searched around for his next dose of painkillers. He knew by now it wouldn't help — not with this specific pain — but he needed to feel in control of at least one small thing.

    Xigon found one vial of the dark amber liquid in his desk drawer, nestled among a growing collection of empty vials. His fingers trembled as he uncorked the medicine and brought it to his mouth. The bitter elixir was like honey on his tongue, every drop precious. He downed the entire dose in a second, then leaned his head back and waited for that blessed relief. He waited and waited, his eyes stinging with barely-contained tears.

The relief came slowly but surely, dulling the ever-present pain in his body enough that his mind could work with clarity. Tension swept away in waves. He closed his eyes and shivered. When the pain in his chest remained – though he had fully expected it to – a sense of betrayal filled him. He'd partaken in this sacred ritual day after day for years and years, ever since...

Ever since that day he had tried to rid himself of Qila's oppressive shadow.

How could it fail him now?

_________

[the day she claims to regret]

    Xigon knelt silent before Master Qila. Two dead armies surrounded them. He looked up at her with the thousand-yard stare of a man who'd crossed a horizon of no return. She smiled down at him. "Very good, Xigon." A wrinkled hand moved to caress his cheek. "Well done. The conflict here is finished now, thanks to you."

    He leaned ever so slightly into the warmth of her palm. Well done. Very good. Why did he crave her praise so much? Just how many lives would he take for her if it meant he'd hear those sweet words one more time?

    Qila's hand moved down to his shoulder. "I'm so proud of you."

    For a blissful instant, the warmth of her validation swept his qualms away. But only for an instant. Xigon clenched his jaw and locked eyes with his master.