His Lost Queen

TWELVE

‼️
Brock

Theia didn't say much for the rest of the evening, but her mind spoke all of the things she was too afraid to ask.
Part of me wishes she felt she could trust me enough to be a little more raw with me, but then at times like this - when my own emotions are barely contained within the boxes I banished them to; that I'm grateful that she isn't.
I know I'm a ticking time bomb. There's things I need to deal with that I just can't handle right now and to make matters worse, Deimos is lurking just beneath my skin for the first opportunity to get free.

I desperately want to nurture this relationship with her.
I missed out on so much and I know that I've barely touched the surface of what she's been through and how she feels. It's kind of like I'm trying to coax a cat into letting me love it. One move too fast, a sound too loud or unexpected and she'll bolt along with any chance of trust.

It's several hours after midnight now, the group chats and DM's have finally ceased their buzzing in my pocket; and for the first time since learning of her death, I can sit alone and attempt to digest the reality of it all.
But where do I begin?

A fresh wave of exhaustion hits me, but how can I rest knowing that my mother was murdered?.. and by my own Father?.

As soon as River said murder, I knew she was telling me the truth.
Mum would never have taken her own life, no matter how hard things got - the beatings, the emotional abuse and more. She had been through unimaginable things at his hands, but she had endured it; knowing that if she had given up - we would've felt his evil even more harshly.
I've always been certain she wouldn't leave us. Even as adults. She wanted to see us happy and settled with mates - even if finding your mate is extremely difficult for a Lycan and most of all; she wanted grandchildren.
I wish I'd told her about Theia, she'd have been insufferably happy.

Ma was always there for me; even when I didn't want her to be. Even when I pushed her away and put as much distance as I could between us, when I stupidly punished her for things that were beyond her control. Those times that I was cruel to her, she still found it in her to not only love me but to care about me.
Knowing what happened, I can't stop going over and over the same thoughts in my mind about that night. If only I'd answered my phone. Why didn't I call Blake to check on her? The fear she must have felt when she knew she was going to die. Maybe I could've saved her. Bane murdered her, but I let her down. I killed her. She was always there for me and the one time she needed me, I let her die. When was the last time that I told her I loved her? Did she know I love her? Did she die thinking we didn't care?.

The salty truth of my grief rolls towards my chin as I look at the dark abyss above me with cold hostility. The Moon should hide. This is all Her doing. She chose me to rule. The Goddess let that bastard claim my mother and She let him murder her. I never wanted to be the King. I was never worthy of the throne and it's because of that that I failed my family and the Kingdom.

My fists ball and the tears fall as I let the feelings come. Flaming heat rushes through my veins, cracks and pops echo in my ears - Deimos is taking over and fuck it feels good!.

Deimos

Standing and stretching out the kinks, I crack my neck from left to right. The satisfying crunch of joints spreads relief throughout my tight frame, making me involuntarily groan out my pleasure.
Oops!

The wind blows like icy fingers through the dense fur over my legs and shoulders, the muscles below flexing in appreciation and my snout rising to sniff the scents in the air..
Were's.. Humans.. Dogs.. ELK!
Snack time!