Waking Up To Reality (SarawatTine)

Waking Up To Reality

Tine had long since mastered the art of waking up without opening his eyes. If he did not open them, he would not have to face the reality that Sarawat was gone. In the three weeks since Sarawat had walked out of their door, a suitcase in his hands and a farewell on his lips, Tine had spent as long as possible in the hazy state between waking and sleeping. There he did not have to confront the cold barrenness of the other side of the bed. Or acknowledge the empty ache in the now hollow frame of his chest. In that timeless realm on the edge of dreams Sarawat was just around the corner. He was in the bathroom showering, or in the kitchen trying to cook. He was in his studio, tuning his guitar or composing. He might have been out of sight but he was still present.

Unlike in reality.

Rationally Tine knew he should not complain too much, even in his head. He had had plenty of time to prepare for their separation, had known it was coming for months before his partner finally left. In fact he had even helped Sarawat convince his management that the two month European tour was a good idea. How could he not when Sarawat had been so excited by the idea? Eight weeks of regular playing in smaller, more intimate venues instead of a four week schedule of irregular performances on larger, impersonal stages in capital cities, with days of frantic mind-numbing travelling between. It was the perfect solution to Sarawat's well known dislike of large crowds and his slightly less well known fondness for more informal gigs. The agency were marketing it as a way of showing support for independent venues but Tine knew the truth.

Years ago, mistakenly thinking they still had the stamina of their university days, and under the influence of slightly more alcohol than they had become used to, Sarawat and Tine had had reminisced about their first meeting. Tine had mentioned that the only reason he had been able to fulfil his wish and see Scrubb that day was because it was at the university open day – meaning his school had organised transport and there was barely any admission fee. Coming from a more rural town there was no way he would have been able to see them if they only played larger venues like stadiums and arenas. "You never know, Wat." Tine had rambled, with a drunken enthusiasm that Sarawat's smitten heart found unbelievably adorable. "You could do that. In the future there could be some boy going 'you stepped on my foot at a Sarawat Guntithanon concert and I couldn't take my eyes off you'. They'd be the next us. You would be somebody's Scrubb!" After that how could Sarawat, how could either of them, not have a soft spot for smaller venues and simpler performances?

So, when Tine was being honest with himself, he knew really didn't have anyone to blame for his current solitude but himself. He could also acknowledge that, for all that this was the longest they had been apart, they were both handling their latest separation far better than they had their first. The almost daily video calls helped immensely, as did their ten years together. A decade long relationship that, after their initial teething problems, had proven to be so solid and loving that it was the envy of all their friends and colleagues.

Over the years Tine had spent many hours with the spouses and partners of other touring musicians. There had been coffee shop meet ups, group lunches, and dinner gatherings with the almost obligatory after-dinner drinks. He had listened to and comforted many an individual as they had they had taken advantage of his cheerful nature and smiling disposition to unburden themselves of their worries and fears about being so far away from their loved ones. He had heard all of their concerns, from the smallest niggling thought to the largest looming fear. He had helped celebrate the discovery of unexpected pregnancies, consoled the heartbroken when partners had succumbed to the opportunity distance presented and been unfaithful, and had comforted those worried about sudden suspect 'friendships' that had arisen from nowhere. He dispensed wise words, reassuring advice and advocated a healthy scepticism of the media – whether it be professional journalists or amateurs armed only with the soapbox of their social media accounts. And every time, in the back of his head, he had thanked the heavens for gifting him Sarawat. Sarawat with his steadfast, unwavering affection, that meant such worries rarely affected Tine. This was not to say that there had not been times when Tine had fretted about a headline or a rumour, of course there had – both he and Sarawat were only human after all, both with their own foibles and insecurities – but, compared to many of the other celebrity related relationships Tine had witnessed, their issues were few and far between.