Battle Scars // Cameron Dallas

Sixteen

I pull my hair up in a ponytail for the first time in a long time. Letting my bangs frame my face. I slip on the black skinnies Cameron brought over for the day I leave this hospital. The shirt was a Bring Me The Horizon but the flannel was one I've never seen in my closet. I washed my face in the bathroom before walking back to the bed. I had my duffle bag sitting there at the foot of the bed. The door to the room slams shut and my head turns to see the intruder. It's just Cameron. "Ready to go beautiful?"

"Mhm." I hum Cameron walks over to me and smothers me in a hug. "Ryan and Alex will be released tonight and they will be coming over." Cameron explains. I push my way out if his hug. Not wanting any human contact at the moment. Cameron picks up the bag and follows me out the door. "Want to go visit the boys before we leave?" I shake my head quickly no.

I can't bear to look at them in the face after what I've done. Everyone keeps telling me it's not my fault but I think it's just sympathy. They all feel bad for me. My parents wouldn't come visit me. Word around they all know about my past self harm. It's kind of hard to cover up when the gown hardly covered my skin. But what they don't know is my recent self harm. The guilt eating me alive. Telling me I'm no good.

I can't handle myself telling me I'm no good. How could I handle the people I really did hurt tell me the same thing? We walk down the hall and I checked myself out.

I look at the closed car door. Staring at the handle. Cameron opens my door for me and I still stand there staring. "Are you ok?" He asks me. I snap out of my trance and slide into the seat. Reaching over I open his door and he starts the car.

We get home all in one piece "today's New Year's Eve and Jack is throwing a party." Cameron starts off. "I know you probably don't want to come but I'd like it if you came." hes hands are still on the wheel, "he lives not even down the street so if you wanted to go home i can take you back no problem."

"I don't know Cameron." I squeak. We are still sitting in his car.

"I know." He looks down at his lap clenching the wheel. I open the car door and leave the parking garage back up to my apartment.

When I open the door I notice my suitcases in the living room. My place looks more cleaned up then when I left. I walked inside and put my bag down in front of the door. I looked around once more before going into the kitchen to get me a glass of water. I gulped the water down and leaned against the counter.

I thought about Alex and Ryan and what I had done to them, I had put them in those hospital beds because I wasn't paying attention. The light was fucking green though! The light was fucking green! I remember the light being green and then we were hit. Why? Why them?

"FUCK!" I yelled throwing my glass at the wall in anger. I grabbed another and threw it too. I kept doing that until I had no more glasses left. I slid down the cabinets and sat on the floor. I started breathing heavily and felt my eyes well up with tears. I ran my hand through my hair and gripped at it.

"It's all my fault. It's all my fault." I repeated over and over. Rocking back and forth, my back hitting the wall, "You're so fucking stupid Alexis!" I told myself loudly sobbing. After about an hour of being on the floor I had finally calmed down.