Honestly I'm not even sure if it was worth it. The pain, the trauma, the disloyalty. All of it. I was happy.. for a bit. What happened? Everything was normal. Then it started. The screaming, the shouting, the fighting. Did I not deserve even a little bit of my childhood? Or was I just too good for that I sometimes wonder. It's no secret I wasn't liked. I mean cmon look at me. I'm so mentally fucked I'm surprised people have managed to stay for as long as they did. I wouldn't wanna be seen with me either, to be fair. Maybe I deserved it. haha but it didn't make me stronger. It made everything worse. Even my attempts mock me. My arms, my legs stare back at me everytime I get changed. I don't like this body I'm in. I'm not skinny. My face is full of acne. My voice is wretched. I'm not tall enough. How could I possibly be cared for? I've tried. My absolute best to be what others have expected of me. Yet still it changes nothing. I have only felt safe around certain people. It's just best to always be on edge around those who define you as not what you are. It's a very small amount of people I truly feel "safe with" but they do exist. And for them I am truly and forever will be greatful for. It's the corny things in people that make them unique. From the random things they say to the little things they do when their happy. Some people truly are exquisite if you look at them from the right perspective. I wish people saw me that way. But that's only a lonely thought. I can never stop dreaming, writing, drawing. My favorite things in life are music and nature. They calm me, bring me peace. Animals too. Rivers and waterfalls, big trees, big patches of grass, beaches. That sorta stuff. I adore music with a passion. All I do is listen to music. In school, outa school. On walks. On runs. Anywhere. I love doodling. Weather it's in my sketchbook or on me. On my arms, legs, face? Haha. If I could I'd draw all over myself. Watch all the different colors slowly run and fade off me when I shower. Seeing all the little patterns slowly disintegrate within a small stroke of my fingers.
"Beautiful."
