Uncovering Love (Phan AU)

Uncovering Thoughts

Phil's POV
I kissed Dan as I did so often, our friendly kisses were nice but I wished they were more than... friendly. Me and Dan were complicated but we worked fine. For as long as I could remember I had been best friends with Dan. I didn't want to ruin out friendship by telling him I loved him, but I felt like it was necessary. My mind wander off to a thousand places like what I would be doing without Dan. My one companion, apart from PJ and Chris. Dan was my one true companion, I did love Chris and Peej but Dan knew everything, everything apart from the fact that he was my everything. When we were young, everything was so careless, nothing mattered. I wanted back some of the freedom of being fearless. 10 years ago, at the age of 7 I would have done do much I would never do now. At 7 I confidently grabbed Dan's hand in the street and danced around town not caring who saw me. I missed the old Phil. The old Phil was a weird term to me. There was an old Phil I shouldn't have missed him, I should have been glad that a had grown up and learnt everything I had but I wasn't. The truth was I needed the old Phil back. This new Phil wasn't right. All I wanted was to be carefree again. I was snapped back to reality by Dan's mouth. I suddenly realised I should enjoy the kiss whilst it lasted. I enjoyed every second from then of the bliss it brought upon me to have Dan's lips against mine. We separated when I heard my mum call me down for dinner. I climbed back through the hole in the wall and went downstairs.
During dinner all I could think about was Dan and how he made me feel. Dan was like a drug, I was hooked. Whenever I was away from him I felt like a part of me was missing. I was broken and nothing could heal me apart from Dan, he was the missing piece of my puzzle. My mind wander down paths of my memories with Dan. I smiled inside as I remembered the time Dan and I climbed up the tree in my garden and found branches the had grown into the shape of seats and we used to sit on them and talk for hours. I couldn't help but go through the memories in my mind, it helped to think of my best friend who I had shared my entire life with beside me. When I just thought of Dan it brought me happiness, but not the happiness of having him with me. It was horrible how Dan always climbed into my thoughts and wouldn't get out. I let my mind fall into happy memories, happy times, I was happy, Dan was happy, he might still be, I wasn't sure I was. I snapped back to reality when I heard a voice. My mother's voice.
"Phillip honey, could you please deal with your plate and put it in the washing machine before you go upstairs?"
I did as I was told before rushing back up to my room I knocked on the wall 5 times, this was part of mine and Dan's secret code, it meant can I come over. I heard 3 knocks back which meant yes. I shoved my phone in my pocket before venturing downstairs and shouting that I was going to Dan's house to my mother. I slammed the door behind me and knocked on the door of the Howell household. Dan answered leading me up to his room. I sat on his bed next to him and looked into his eyes, his deep chocolate eyes.
"Ok Phil. Before anything else I need to ask you, why are you mad at me?"
His question threw me slightly,
"I'm, I'm not Dan I, I just," I paused to think about what I needed to say, "you sounded so excited and out seeing Anthony, and I guess I was just, just a little bit jealous."
Dan's deep beautiful laugh filled the room.
"Is that all?" He asked, "I thought I had done something wrong. I was so worried you would hate me Phil,"
Dan caught me in an embrace and I hugged him back, rubbing my chin across his shoulder I spoke words I would regret,
"You can't do anything to make me hate you Dan, because I love you,"
I stiffened at the realisation of what I had said.
Fuck!
"I, I mean, not like in that way obviously."
Dan's POV
"I, I mean, not like in that way obviously."
And at those words my heart shattered into a thousand pieces. I don't know why it did but that seemed to break me. My entire world collapsed what was I supposed to do. What was I supposed to say. So I just said what anyone would,
"Yeah obviously."
And then I understood why it broke me.
Phil's POV
I had ruined everything I was sure of it. Dan seemed unsure in his answer, like he didn't know what to say. What had I done? I was certain that I had destroyed my cover. He knew. He knew. He knew. It was all I could think about. That night I lay on top of my bedsheets staring at the ceiling hit creating situations in my head.

I turned over in the bed to attempt to get comfortable to see Dan's face in front of mine. I gave his lips a small peck before telling him I loved him and closing my eyes to drift into slumber. I felt an arm wrap around my waist and a finger drawing circles on my back I was at peace with the world everything was happy.

Then everything shattered. I couldn't keep just creating scenarios in my mind where I would get my happily ever after I needed to go search for my happily ever after. I needed to write my own story in reality not in my imaginary world. I knew what I was going to do and it wasn't going to be easy. With determination in my soul I jumped out of bed, opened a notes page in my phone and began to plan.
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1057 words!
I watched the Imiatation Game last night and it is sooo good! Benedict Cumberbatch is amazing in it! 11/10 would recommend anyway tumblr is ruining my life as usual and I will see you in the next update ❤️💕 by the way I am having severe writers block with my other story 'The Art Project' so that is why I haven't updated in forever sorry :/