Come on, Ayleen

Girl Time

As Ayleen and Haven walked into the crowd, Ayleen started to feel like she was frozen. She watched as her body automatically led her along beside Haven and felt like she was watching herself on a television show. The moment didn't feel real. She didn't even realize that her body was moving. As she started to come back to herself after the tidal wave of overstimulation hit her, she stopped walking. Haven turned to her with a slight look of concern on her face. She wasn't sure whether she had done something wrong, or misread her new friendship with Ayleen. As she looked over at Ayleen, Haven thought it looked like the lights were on, but no one was home. She stopped as well and turned to face Ayleen. She placed her hands on Ayleen's shoulders and started to breathe long, deep, soothing breaths. She said, "Come on, Ayleen. Close your eyes and breathe with me." She lightly pulled Ayleen's shoulders up and down with the rhythm of the breathing to encourage her to slow her heart from racing, so that she could come back to the surface.

Haven recognized the symptoms of anxiety, but she had never witnessed it presented so severely. Her mother had struggled with anxiety for several years after her father had passed. Her mom had relied so heavily on her dad for so long that losing him made her feel like she couldn't handle real life on her own. Paying bills, repair issues needed around the house, knowing what regular maintenance the car needed, plus being the only one raising a child, without having someone else to reinforce them, and then just the lack of meaningful, adult conversation. Haven's mom started to experience panic attacks every so often, and Haven felt so lost and alone. It wasn't until one day that her mom had hyperventilated and passed out that Haven finally realized they needed help. She was twelve years old, her father had passed away 2 years prior, and they had moved shortly after his passing, because they couldn't afford to stay in their home long term. They didn't get to know their neighbors very well when they moved into their duplex, choosing to mainly keep to themselves. On the day her mom passed out, Haven had to venture out and meet her new neighbors in order to get help for her mom. That was the worst her mom's anxiety ever got. However, by the time she returned with a neighbor, her mom had come to and was frantically searching the house for Haven. It was at that point that Haven asked her mom if they could get help. Haven's mother thanked the neighbor, embarrassed by the fuss that had been made. The neighbor was kind and wanted to make sure that Haven's mom was really okay, but then she left, and her mom slid down the wall to the floor and started crying. She reached out and held Haven, rocking her and telling her how sorry she was that she wasn't the parent Haven needed. The next week, Haven and her mom started visiting with a family therapist. While their funds were already tight, they found a way to heal together over the next several months. Her mom also saw the therapist on her own to heal herself, in order to become a more present parent. In those therapy session together, Haven and her mother learned some coping mechanisms in case her mom ever had such an extreme panic attack again and needed guidance in getting calmed down, but luckily, the therapy really helped and Haven never had to worry about using any of the strategies again, until today.

Ayleen watched herself breathing with Haven, but then the next thing she knew, she was standing across from her new friend, breathing deeply. She leaned forward, hugged Haven, and said, "Thanks. I'm ready now." Haven hugged Ayleen back so hard, and then stopped as she worried that she would overwhelm Ayleen again, and said, "Don't mention it. What do you want to check out first?"

They ended up having an enjoyable day walking through the market, trying samples of food from various vendors. There were specialty dips, meats, desserts, and more. Neither felt like they would need to eat for the rest of the day after their adventure through town. As Ayleen walked, she noticed the clothing boutique and led Haven to the door. They stepped inside, basking in the coolness of refrigerated air. Haven immediately walked to an adorable flowy pink blouse and held it up to Ayleen. Ayleen looked down at the top and then held it up in front of her. The buttons were little pearls and the top had capped sleeves. She smiled, and then picked up another blouse. They both ended up picking up several pieces and visited the changing rooms. The store was mostly empty, except for the one employee and a few people who would stop in for a moment to cool off. Haven and Ayleen ended up spending over an hour in the store, trying on clothes and modeling for each other. They didn't speak much, but this seemed to be a friendship where speaking wasn't required. They did exchange plenty of giggles and oohs and aahs. By the time they had finished trying on piles of clothes, they were exhausted. "I think we must have tried on the entire store," Haven commented. Ayleen laughed and said, "That poor lady must think we are insane. Thanks for helping me run clothes back and forth. There's no way I could have left this mess for her to clean up!" They took their choices up to the register to check out. Ayleen had chosen a couple of outfits that were very becoming, but also completely outside of her usual style. Haven had grabbed a peach colored skirt and decided she could part with a little of her money, since it was on sale. Ayleen grabbed the skirt and threw it in with her purchases, "For the coffee," she said.