Where I Went From Here

Chapter 23 - Aftermath: Part II

"We don't understand what you mean, Ky-" Christian starts to say.

"Don't you get it you can't! You can't talk to my mom! She won't ever answer you, you won't ever see her because- because... SHE'S DEAD!"

~ POV: Richard Bower ~

It couldn't be. It can't be. I think I heard wrong.

Yet, the deafening silence doesn't help contrast what Kyla said.

"What? What did you say?" I question still not quite being able to wrap this newfound information around my head.

Kyla wraps her arms around her middle, almost as an attempt to shield herself; Ryder, being a little more close with her, tries to come near her to give her a hug, however when she notices him coming close to her, she steps back a little. A whimper comes out of her.

"S-She's de-d-dead" she stutters in a small voice.

I can't believe it.

Mary.

Not Mary...

Mary, she can't...

Mary can't be dead.

From my standing position, I falter and grab a hold of the nearest object next to me; so that my knees don't give out. I feel like something is stuck in my throat, not allowing any air to enter my lungs. This is too much. How didn't I know? Why wasn't I made aware? Mary and me had so made plans and things we wanted to do together.

Those will never happen.

I will never see her again.

At this moment, I don't want to think too much about the fact that she's dead, I can't quite think about it too, much because I feel like at any moment I'll breakdown. If I breakdown, I don't know how I'll be able to get back to how I was before knowing Mary is dead. Knowing this, won't change the inevitable, that it's true. What hurt's is that I couldn't be there for her or Kyla, if she needed me because I was stuff in a cell. But what about Kyla? She must have carried this with her for how ever much time has passed since Mary's death. I need to be strong, but not for me; for Kyla.

Kyla needs me.

"But... how?" Levi says, but it seems more to himself.

"How'd your mom die, Kyla?" asks Christian making his tone come out as soft, and calm. The softest, I've ever heard from him ever. Kyla shakes her head with her gaze elsewhere. She doesn't want to talk about it.

"Christian, stop" I start to say but he cuts me off mid sentence.

"How, Kyla?" he asks again.

"Christian!" I shout.

"I- We were going somewhere kind of far from where we use to live in the car. When it was time to turn, I-I g-guess, she couldn't so we continued to go straight. She, she mustn't wanted to freak my grandma or me out so she stayed calm; but as we still went straight and a mountain was getting close and close, she couldn't stay quiet. My grandma and my mom were talking too low for me to hear anything, but when they did, they told me to up out of the car they said so." Kyla tells.

"I didn't want to. I told them, no, that I wouldn't but they made me do it. My mom said that everything would be okay. They said they'd be right behind me. But they lied! They weren't;t behind me!" She finishes as she starts to cry, sobbing.

My baby. I feel so stupid, and worthless, that I knew nothing. I go to Kyla, hug her and bring her closer to me. I could have lost her too, as I lost Mary.

"Do you know why the car couldn't turn?" questions Elijah to her. In my arms, I feel Kyla shake her head.

"I-I- I didn't know. I didn-n't kn-" She says but chokes on the end. I move Kyla a little so I can get a better look at her face. She holds her chest and shirt with her right hand, with her other hand gripping my forearm, struggling to breathe.

She's having a panic attack.

"What's wrong?" inquires Ryder.

"She's having a panic attack" informs Mason in a hoarse voice.

"Try to breathe for me, baby" I beg her. She shakes her head, no. Mason makes his way to my side, and gains Kyla's attention as she moves her eyes to him.

"Tell me five things you see" he ask her.

"D-Dad-d, you-u, Ry-yder" but she can't seem to get more words out as she begins to hyperventilate.

"I-I-I c-ca-can't" She says between breaths. The grip she had on my forearms starts to slip. Without, warning she comes forward with closed eyes. I manage to catch her be in my arms and reposition her with her head on the nook of my shoulder and neck. I hold her so close and tight to me, scared that she'll leave or disappear from me.

Holding her for a while, I stand with her in my arms in a bridal style hold as I take her to her room. Once, I've laid her on her bed and covered her with her blanket, I move some hair from her face and just hold her hand. I place a kiss to her forehead.

"I'm so, so sorry. for not being there for you. For being a shitty dad" I whisper to her.

I'm a shitty dad.

I don't deserve you.

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A/N: Hello, everyone! How's everyone's week been so far? Any finals ? Anyway, summer here!!! (or coming close for some of others!!!) Either way, here's a new update...

Hope you enjoyed reading :)