My dear Tomioka (might change it later)

I

      (This will contain sensitive topics like self harm, mentions of suicide and stuff like that.)

Tomioka Giyuu was the water Hashira in the Demon Slayer corps. He never really had any friends except for Sabito, who had died during the final selection when they were younger. All the other Hashiras had always thought down on him. They never actually considered him as a Hashira. They usually called him selfish or heartless. They weren't too far off from what Giyuu thought. He always thought bad about himself too. He felt he was worthless, useless and weak.

 His trainer, Urokodaki, was like a father figure to him, he had taken him in when he had lost his sister. Sabito and Giyuu had become best friends after Urokodaki had taken him in after his parents and sister died. He always felt guilty for his sister's death, his sisters name was Tsutako. She had died by a demon attack saving Giyuu. He blamed himself for not being able to protect and save her. It was all his fault she had died because he was too weak. He blamed himself for Sabito's and his sister's death because he couldn't save them. 

There was a pair of siblings he had taken a liking to. Tanjiro and Nezuko Kamado. He treated them like little siblings. A couple years ago Nezuko had turned into a demon, he told Tanjiro to go to Urokodakis house, where he trained and then finally joined the demon slayer corps. He cared for them so much even if he didn't show it. If he had to be honest. 

All he really wanted was a friend. But then again, if he made a friend he would probably end up hurting them. He would be scared all the time that they would leave him. He would also be so scared that they would die. If they died then he probably wouldn't be able to live with himself anymore. 

"Tomioka-san!"

 A cheerful boy's voice called out from behind him. It was the young Kamado boy. Tanjiro. He had red hair and eyes, he had such a kind, determined, and lovable heart, like a heart of gold. He wished he could be more like Tanjiro. Tanjiro could be friends with anyone. He would be able to make anyone feel good just by smiling. Tanjiro smiles brightly up at him and tugged his haori.

"What is it boy?" Giyuu asked, his voice and face monotone but he sounded a little harsh. He didn't mean to be that harsh, it slipped out of his mouth by accident.

"I was wondering if you would come eat dinner with me and the rest of the Hashiras?" Tanjiro asked brightly, not seeming to notice the harshness in Giyuu's voice.

Giyuu was silent for a moment. He kind of wanted to. But he probably shouldn't. The other Hashira would probably be mean to him. There were two Hashira who were nice to him. Rengoku and Mitsuri. Rengoku had died by now while on a mission with Tanjiro and his little powerpuff girl squad or something (Giyuu adopted the kamaboku squad but he pretends he didn't.) He was very sad about that. Most of them hated him. It makes him sad sometimes, but he doesn't show it.

"Sorry, but no." He eventually said. Tanjiros smile turned into a slightly sad smile.

"Why not?" He asked.

"I have other plans." He said quickly, wanting to get this over with. Tanjiro nodded.

"Okay, I get it." He smiled brightly at him. "Well then, I'll see you around Tomioka-san!" Tanjiro said, letting go of Giyuu's sleeve and running off. 

Giyuu sighed, then turned to go back to his estate, not wanting to run into anyone else. He went into his room and took off his uniform and changed into his night clothes. He sat down on his futon and looked down at his arms which were all scarred up. He lightly pressed a finger to his scars and all the regret and guilt came back to him.

 He couldn't hold himself together anymore, tears started flowing from his eyes. He clutched his haori close to himself, crying into it. His haori was the only thing he had left of Sabito and his sister, the red side was his sisters, and the green patterned side was Sabito's. Without thinking he grabbed his katana and unsheathed it, dragging its blade across his arms. 

"One for not being able to save sabito, one for not being able to save Tsutako, one for being worthless, one for being stupid, one for everyone who has died, one for being so weak."

 He said to himself every time he cut. He felt a soft hand on his shoulder, he quickly jerked his head up. It was only Sabito, crouching down in front of him with a sad smile on his face. It wasn't really Sabito. Giyuu often saw him, it was just his ghost. Sabito wiped his tears away, his hand gentle and soft. He had no idea how he could feel Sabito touching him, but he was glad about having him there.

 "S-sorry Sabito... I know I said I would stop.. I wasn't thinking." 

He says to Sabito and looks down as his arms, which were bleeding. He had told Sabito that he would stop cutting himself but he couldn't bring himself to stop. It brought relief to him, he felt that he also deserved punishment for being so weak. Sabito lightly took his chin and lifted his head, making him look at him. His face was serious but kind at the same time.

"Giyuu it wasn't your fault. I know it's hard to stop but you need to try harder. I'm only saying this because I care for you and don't want to see you hurting. So please, try harder to stop. Nothing was your fault." Sabito says, his voice firm but still kind. 

Giyuu nods slightly and wipes his tears with his sleeve as Sabito gets up and walks out of the room, coming back a couple seconds later with a roll of bandages and a wet cloth in his hand. He sat in front of Giyuu and gently takes the arm that he had cut on and gently cleans off the wounds, making Giyuu wince in pain a little. 

Sabito had always been very gentle, lightly cleaning off his wounds and making sure to not hurt him too much, but he could also be very playful. He puts the rag down and and started wrapping Giyuu's arm up. He finished after a bit and stood up, then patted Giyuu's head.

"Remember to try your best to stop, even if it's hard (you dirty minded mf Ik what you were thinking). I will be watching over you." 

With that said Sabito disappeared, leaving Giyuu alone with his guilt and pain.

"I'm so sorry I let you die.." Giyuu whispered to himself while holding his haori close.

(I'm in heaven now 😃 so sorry I died 😔 I miss you so much 😃❤️) Idk the "I'm so sorry I let you die" made me think of that audio lmao

1183 words