drabbles, oneshots, and stuff

break my heart

Goddamnit, I never should have followed my friend out into the crowd after that show.

It was our third show. I didn't really know anyone who came to that one. So I let him introduce us.

I regret it all. If only I'd just stayed backstage after, I wouldn't be in this mess. Or if I had just said hi, it's nice to meet you, I'm glad you liked it, sorry, I've got to go, and left it at that. Or if I hadn't asked for your number. I wish I'd done something, anything, that could have prevented me from ever seeing you again. Because I'm fucking falling for you. And it's all so wrong.

I can't believe myself. Crushing on a straight boy, a TAKEN straight boy. Why? Why am I like this?

I'm so scared of what will happen if you find out. I know I'm far too obvious for my own good. Would you hate me? No, I know you're far too nice for that. Would you desert me, just like everyone else? Would you say it's fine, but never act the same around me again?

All I know is I cannot lose you. You are the only person who didn't suddenly begin treating me different when you found out who I am, WHAT I am.

I don't know who to talk to either. These thoughts feel forbidden, impossible to speak aloud. And if I told, they'd surely just laugh and brush it off. I don't think I could handle that.

So I must never show it. Everything's fine, everything's good, I'm not falling apart inside at all.

Shit, I'm falling in love with the one who will break my heart.