𝐈𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞: 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐀𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐬.. [𝐓𝐗𝐓𝐗𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑]

One of those Nights.

Evening breeze was blowing softly, curtains flowing along ever so gently. The jingling of the wind chime could be heard whilst it danced with the wind. It was already dark outside. City lights were reflecting on the bedroom floor. A faint ballad tune was coming from outside the window.  

BUZZ..

BUZZ..  

The phone under her pillow vibrated.

BUZZ..

"Argh.. what the heck." Y/N groggily muttered, throwing over the blanket to find the phone. 

"Where is this motherfu- Oh gotcha." She reached for the phone under her pillow and stopped the alarm. 

8:14 pm. It read.

"Goddamit." She groaned while trying to sit up straight.    

 The bedsheets were wrinkled and her blanket was laying on the floor. Pajamas rolled up to her thighs and earphones wrapped around the neck. Her face was glistened with sweat and the hair was badly tangled. Her throat was sore too. She noticed that there was no water bottle in her room to quench her thirst. She sighed. 

The bedroom door opened.

"So now you have finally decided to wake up." Her mother said from the doorframe. Her hands on her waist as she spoke. Displeased.

"I didn't had any track of time, sorry"  You genuinely were feeling guilty. You did not realise when you had actually fallen asleep and god knows how long it has already been.

"Yeah definitely." Your mother scoffed. She had a hard look on her face as she glared at you. Her eyebrows knitted together and a frown on her face. Probably too disappointed by her daughter. She stared at you with such an angered face. You gulped.

Even though she was glaring at you, she looked tired. She herself did not had any energy to say anything to you. You were filled with guilt. Gosh what's wrong with me.

Your mother left the room without saying anything else. Her stares were enough for you. 

You sighed.

Continuing on staying still at your place, you looked outside the window. 

It was dark, however the faint ballad music could still be heard. As you continued to look outside you noticed that the lights from the buildings slightly overshadowed the moonlight.

The moon.

 It had almost been covered by the dark clouds. It looked as if the citylights and clouds are trying to keep the moon out of sight. You got up.

Holding the window frames you looked up. The gray clouds were illuminated by the moonlight. It was gloomy. The sky was draped in a shade of grayish black. It was Beautiful yet sad. Just like the relationship with my family.. heh. You dryly chuckled at the thought. 

Another nightmare. It was frustrating. It has been like this for a long time. You accidentally fall asleep, have a bad dream and wake up to either your parents fighting or a lonely atmosphere. The latter was a bit comforting to say at least. It was one of the times when you could actually drift to your thoughts.

Tears well up in your eyes. You hated  this feeling. You hated  to be this weak. The nightmares were nothing but your traumatic experiences from the past. You were reliving all of it again. It felt so real. Almost like a vision. You were enraged but helpless.

People usually reminisce about their childhood fondly. Remembering how carefree and happy they used to be. Cursing at their present, they want to relive their past again. However, This was never the case for you. You never wanted to relive you childhood again. Ever.

Pondering over the past, you thought how far you actually came. Fights. Bullying. Screams. Cries. Pain. You always stood strong. But look at me now.

It wasn't that you grew up in a poor or necessarily an abusive household. You had both of your parents who took care for you and your elder brother, provided you both with basic amenities. You were not short of anything however you never asked for more either. You were grateful.

You were not one of those moody teenagers who blamed everything on their parents. Even though most of your traumas were tied to them, you knew that they were not happy with their lives either.

All your childhood you were a vent for everyone to take off their rage and anger on you since you were the youngest in the family. You were taught to be a listener so you never spoke anything against them. A trashcan for everyone to leash out their demon on me. 

You were innocent.  A tear finally dropped from your left eye. You clutched on the railing harder.

This was not only bound to your family. Your so called 'friends' back then from the school and the neighborhood, your aunt, your grandparents and ever your own brother.. 

A toy for everyone to play with your feelings. 

However, you never held any grudge.  

Whenever you felt like you're about to burst any moment or take an extreme step, you stop to think about those moments when your mother smiles at you lovingly or when your father pats your head out of nowhere, when your brother shows you memes which makes you both laugh out loud. You never wanted to ruin those merry smiles on their faces. Never.

Instead you used to blame yourself.  Why would a 7 year old think otherwise of her parents when she was taught to shut up and bare everything.?

"I used to be so strong.." You said out loud. 

"What happened to me now?!?" You choked on a sob. You felt absolutely miserable. The fact that no one would ever know her thoughts were enough to make her numb.