And then a bit

X

Giv mig lidt mere - giv mig lidt mere
Gib mig et til stik
Giv mig lidt mere - giv mig lidt mere
Du må ikke give slip
(Marie Key – "Uopnåelig")

CHAPTER X:

"So, this whole thing has worked better than we'd ever dared hope for," Simon Jones says, seated on the other side of the table, opposite Harry and Louis, Richard Griffiths and Harry Magee next to him. "But we've agreed that it's time to think of a strategy to end this. It's our hope that the established fan base will still stay for your music, and not just for your relationship, and of course we have every intention of playing this as a mutual breakup with the emphasis on the two of you staying friends, so you can finally stop acting with each other in public. I'm thinking you're quite excited to get your lives back, no? So let's get this worked out, yeah?"

Something funny twists in Louis' stomach at Simon's words, and he feels almost nauseated, because... because he's known this was coming, known it all along, but known it in this abstract kind of way, like when you're studying for exams and you know that the date where you have to take them will come, and you know that when the day arrives, it will also mean that it will be all over, but when you're sitting there buried in books, the fact that the day will come seems like a farfetched dream.

Except this is kind of the opposite, because maybe Louis doesn't want it to end, maybe Louis has been dreading the expiration date of their little project, maybe he's been dreading it as much as you dread the day of an exam, except this doesn't have the consolation prize of being followed by freedom. Or it does, of course. It's going to be the most free Louis has ever been, never has he ever lived a life less affected by lies than the one post this whole thing will be, but maybe he doesn't want to be that free.

"Right," he says into the silence that follows Simon's words. Unease is eating away at his stomach, and he doesn't know what to say. His head is a mixture of feelings, so many different feelings, and he can't work out where one ends and the other begins, can't even sort out what he's really feeling. He's so confused, everything is just so confusing and Louis needs a moment, needs a fucking moment, needs all the fucking moments in the world and he can't even get as much as a few seconds, because three pairs of eyes are staring at them, three people waiting for what they have to say, and—and Harry isn't saying a word.

"Right," he tries again, clearing his throat before continuing. "Yes, that sounds—that sounds reasonable, yeah."

Simon talks and Harry is silent and Louis doesn't know what to do with himself. Hears sentences such as 'after the tour', 'give the fans the kind of shows they've paid for', 'spend more time apart' and he just can't deal. Can't fit it all inside his head.

And he realizes, suddenly, that he doesn't know how to continue on with his everyday life without Harry. Doesn't know how to revert back to how it used to be. Harry's become such an integral part of his life, of his home and himself. They've built a life together somehow, and over the past almost six months he's never truly stopped to wonder what it would be like once he'd have to peel Harry out of his life again. And it's not just the sex, or the domesticity at home, or them at work – it's everything, Harry has wormed his way into everything, into every part of Louis' life, and how is he supposed to remove him when he's stuck like a particularly stubborn splinter wedged into Louis' foot. Only more pleasant. Right.

And it's just... everything has changed, really. There's no denying that. Everything has changed. Big things, small things, nothing is really the same.

"How does that sound, boys?" Magee interrupts his thoughts, drawing him back to reality.

Fuck if Louis knows, hasn't listened to a word either of them has said for the last few minutes, knows only vaguely that it was a more detailed plan for their break up, and just—