Fikush-ON!

Ch. 40: Dilemma and Mandarins

A loud clatter caused the whole classroom to turn to look at me. The rhythmic sound of the chalk tapping against the blackboard quickly came to a stop as the teacher, too, joined the other students in staring at me. After all, it was me who had caused that clatter as I had kicked the underside of my desk with my knee. But it was an accident, honest: I was close to dozing off, but quickly jolted awake, resulting in unintentional kneeing. Exchanging glances with the surprised students and the mildly annoyed teacher, I made a quick attempt to fix my posture.

"...My bad," I muttered, trying my best to act ashamed, though I'm not sure if anyone bought it.

Glaring at me for a second longer, the teacher – the student counselor – finally turned back to the blackboard, resuming his scribbling. As the sound of the chalk hitting against the blackboard filled the room once again, the students were quick to forget about me and resume taking notes. Giving them a quick look, I glanced down at my desk, which held my pen and notebook, scattered unevenly due to the previous kick. Hm, maybe I should take notes, too, as this is one of the many counseling sessions we'd be having this semester. And by 'we', I mean me and everybody else who still don't have any solid plans for the future. And by the looks of it, there's barely enough of us to fill one classroom. Tadaaki and Ichiro, of course, don't have to attend these sessions, as they actually have something to write home about. At least something more solid than the 'I'm going to ask my girlfriend's father for a recommendation' plan I'm rolling with.

Indeed, Tadaaki's going through with his plan of applying to a community college to study culinary arts (which, honestly, is a bit of an overkill, considering he just wants to be a café worker). Ichiro's applying to a police academy, following his father's footsteps, which to this day still surprises me, considering the relationship those two had for the longest time. Now, I'm sure Ichiro's school record won't be pretty to look at, but his father is the big shot of our town's police force, so he's probably able to get them to cut him some slack. A small part of me wishes that he wouldn't get accepted, because if he does, then he'd have to move away, as our prefecture's police academy is in another town. Still, I try my best to suppress the thought, and just wish him good luck.

I glanced out of the window, giving the wintry scenery a look, before turning my attention to the student counselor as he talked about the choices us students would have in the future. Though I wasn't that interested, I still decided to pick up a pen and scribble down some notes. In my own fashion, of course.

Easy part-time jobs pay like shit, hard ones will kill you mentally and physically, you better buy some lipstick for the metric shitload of ass-kissing you'll have to go through if you ever want to have a stable job, there's no easy way out of this, you had one chance to succeed and you blew it, you moron, and now you're stuck here doing these god damn fucki—

I stopped writing mid-sentence, giving my notes a thoughtful look, and decided to scribble over the latter sentences. Yeah, I didn't really enjoy my time here. Or maybe I just didn't enjoy the thought of graduating in general, I don't know. The fact that I'm gonna become an adult has started to scare me a bit. I'm not sure if I'm ready for it, but then again, it's not like I have a choice in the matter. The question is how long will it take for me to learn to be an adult, if that makes sense.

I slowly wrote notes whenever the student counselor happened to mention something I thought was actually worth remembering, until my concentration once again began trailing off, and I moved the pen on the other page of the open notebook. I began sketching something with thin, soft lines.

I wonder... If I actually get a job, how can I prevent myself from spending all my salary at once? I've tried saving parts of my allowance, but I've always spent them quickly, like when I bought Patricia, or when I bought Ui that necklace... Not that I regret those purchases, far from it, but still. Sure, I'll most likely still live with my parents' for the rest of the year, so there's no dire need to build up savings. But it's not like I can live under their wing forever. I need to move out at some point, and when that happens, it'd be good to have some savings. Which brings us back to the original question: can I restrain myself enough to actually save money?