i took a deep breath and choked back my tears as i watched him pack his stuff and leave. I couldn't believe this was how it was gonna end between us. And it was all because of me.
i was just upset about Mac. It had been 2 weeks since his death and I wasn't myself. It was almost as if my body was here on earth but i was floating. i wanted to just disappear and find a way to be with him again. i know Pete thought he was helping and I appreciate him for all he had done, but he really wasn't helping.
i'm just disappointed that i lashed out on him. to the point that i said i didn't want anything to do with him anymore. that id be better off without him and that the engagement was just all one big mistake.
i dont know why, but it was the look of hurt on his face that is stabbing me, not the fact that i broke off the engagement because i love my ex, or the fact that he'll never want to see me again. it was the fact that it felt like i spread my pain onto another person i loved. was that the only thing i was good at? spreading pain to people i love?
i watched as he dragged his luggage with him and didnt even bother to turn around see my face for the last time. he just stopped in the middle of the hallway for around 8 seconds, exhaled and left.
as soon as the door shut, i just lost it.
i lost balance and felt my body crumble to the floor. i let out loud sobs uncontrollably and threw my ring across the empty hallway. i knew it probably costed more than someones life but i was too messed up to even think straight. i just didn't understand what was going on. my life was just starting to get back on track and it all came crashing down. i just hurt everyone i love. my fans, my loved ones, my friends. i can barely take care of myself so why do i even bother sometimes. im just not worth it at this rate.
i grabbed a red wine bottle from the fridge, wrapped my bed blanket around me just drank myself away until i couldn't feel anything. then everything just went blank.
i woke up groggily with the sudden urge to throw up.
i rushed to the bathroom and let the remaining wine that was stored inside me release. after a minute of gagging my head started to throb. a hangover, great, just what i needed. i hadnt had one of those since Manchester.
i looked in the mirror that was bigger than my tiny being and i looked disgusting. mascara and dried up glitter lip gloss smeared all over my face with an eyelash hanging off slightly, hair looking like a pigsty, vomit on my oversized sweater and i was sweating like crazy. Toulouse trodded in and whimpered, i dont even think he himself recognized me unsurprisingly.
"Hey boy, sorry for looking like i woke up from a hurricane. Mommy is just having a tough few weeks, thats all." i dont know why, but i suddenly felt myself make way to tears again. i havent even been there for my own pets because i was so preoccupied with my own issues. i really needed help. serious help.
my phone suddenly started ringing from the living room. with the small amount of energy i managed to muster up, i made my way downstairs and dug through the sofa to find my phone buried in the messed up pillows.
i had 84 missed calls from multiple people and i felt my brain fry once again. from the amount of alcohol i consumed last night, i had no clue what i was even doing at this rate. i still felt drunk. i just decided to ring the first contact that appeared on my phone. Victoria Monet.
she picked up almost instantly that i felt kind of startled.
"Girlie. I know you're probably too stressed out to speak, and that you probably aren't alright. but are you alright?" i sighed.
"i- i really dont know Vic. im so lost. i dont know what to feel." i slowly sat myself down so i didnt feel sick again.
"i know babes. im on my way because your mom is worried sick, your brothers about to destroy the plane and Liz is threatening to burn the airport down all to see you. everyones concerned Ari, and i am part of that majority to be honest."
"but i dont understand." my head started to spin again. "how do you all suddenly know that im going through a ton of shit?"
"the news exists girlie." the news? what is she talking about.
i scurried to my computer, googled myself, and the first thing i saw was a picture of me and Pete.
oh fuck. this cant be happening.
ARIANA GRANDE AND PETE DAVIDSON CALL IT QUITS AFTER 5 MONTHS OF DATING
The 25 and 24 year old call off their engagement yesterday night as reported from Pete Davidson himself via Instagram. As for now, nobody is sure for the true alleged reason of why their break up has commenced, but fans are suspecting it has to do with the sudden death of Mac Miller, Grande's ex a few weeks ago. Keep in tact for updates coming soon.
"no I will not fucking keep in tact for updates coming soon, the fuck?!" i completely forgot i was on call and i knew Victoria was probably thinking i was going crazy at this point.
"Ari?" all i could do was start to ball my eyes out again.
"oh, girlie please dont start crying. just hang in there. wrap yourself cozy, make some hot cocoa, sing or something and we'll be there soon ok. please Ari." i could hear the worry start to rise in her tone of voice. i felt sorry that she was gonna have to waste her precious time on a girl like me.
i wiped my tears away and ended the call myself. i took a deep breath and suddenly decided to get my shit together until they came.
i cleaned the house up, took a quick shower, which was strange for me because i was more of a night shower person, and prettied myself up.
by the time Victoria came, she was a little confused, clearly because i was crying on the phone around an hour ago.
i hugged her tightly for what felt like forever and grabbed her by the hands.
"cmon Victoria, we're not moping at home crying. we're going shopping, writing a new album and getting my shit together."
