Short But Delight

On The Way Home

People say I am lonely, but really, I just like being alone.
I hate relationships, because I avoid being dumped.

People say I am egotistic, but really, I just work faster.
I'm uncomfortable around many people,
and I fear getting into trouble.
I'm just an employee leading a plain everyday life.

Lately, I've been working so late.
Don't blame my performance; it's just another busy day.
On the way home, I sip a can of coffee while waiting for the last train to come.
I find my own happiness in this solitude during winter.
Finally, I can escape from the crowd.

***

Lately, I've been staring as you almost drift to sleep.
The paleness of your face already tells me that you have been through a lot of hard work today.
Exhausted from routine, but sometimes you smile in your half-sleep.
How beautiful!
Your smile brings me energy that is absorbed by my client's expectations today.

I don't know her name, and I've never had a single conversation with her.
I wish courage would give me a chance. I'm just lucky to always run into her when I'm overworked and up late. Maybe she always comes home late, or it's just like me sometimes - often putting me ahead of deadlines.

***

Lately, I've been having so much trouble at work.
Miss Anxiety often yells at me, bringing Mr. Panic home with me.
Mr. Dizzy often interrupts me while I'm chatting with Miss Concentration, causing me to lose focus.
Oh God, please don't let Mr. Blurred Vision play with my sight and Miss Faint kiss my forehead.

On the way home, I allowed myself to smoke again.
It had been a while since I had let tobacco meet my lungs.
Is the taste stronger because it's been a long time since I last smoked, or has the tobacco become stronger?
Arrgghh!
This is the best option to ash away my stress, whatever it may be.

***

As usual the last train not to busy, finally I can let my lung breath.
I always try to find the closest spot to the gateway, whether it be a seat or standing. My head looks around, searching for her. She always sits not too far away from me, but not too close either.
I am a little bit worried because in a matter of minutes, this train will leave. I'm afraid she won't be able to manage or perhaps she has already left before me.

Ah, that's her, rushing while carrying a little girl on her back.
In her right hand, she is carrying a big tote bag that must be loaded with essentials for the baby.
On her right shoulder, she is carrying her sling bag.

Geez, she is exactly the definition of a supermom.
I wonder how tough she is.

The voice of her saying, 'Ah, thank you, but we're okay' woke me up from admiring how wonderful she is.
Without saying a single word, I went back to my seat feeling ashamed.
What a dummy, I should have helped her instead of staring at her like a stalker.

As always, I hate myself for acting cowardly.
Once again, I blame Mr. Courage who didn't show up when I needed him.

***

A little girl is asleep in her lullaby.
She is really a baby, maybe still 2 or 3 years old.
I think I know the reason why you always smile even when you're worn out all day.

While watching her little angel sleep, she said, "I am sorry that you have to go on a little adventure today because grandma is sick and cannot play with you at home. But I am glad you were happy making cookies today with aunty.
Oh, my little patissier, how can your first cookies be so delightful?"

The more I see her smile, the faster my heart beats. But no, it's not love.
It's impossible for me to have a love interest again.

Anyway, since what happened with the intruder who disrupted our happy married life with my ex-wife - who was also his cousin - I have decided to never think of dealing with commitment ever again.

That painful memory makes me feel nauseous every time my brain tries to define the word "relationship".
So, I have decided not to get into deeper relations with others.

Besides, that little girl must have a dad waiting for her to come back home.

***

The sound of the train announcement brought me back to my senses.
Soon, she will be leaving for her destination.

I prayed to God to let my courage cheer me up, so I could help her gently."

"Thank you so much for your help, sir." The sound of her voice made my ears tingle.
Furthermore, her sincere smile made it hard for me to cover my red cheeks.
I nodded and then rested my heart back in the seat.

I thought my little help was not comparable to her heart warming smile.
Suddenly, I forgot all the misery and felt pleasure.

On the way home, I let myself fall in love again.

Description:
A painful past has left him traumatized and hesitant to trust others. His trauma has made him unwilling to engage deeply with others, and he now lives a monotonous life as an employee, having ended his relationship with his ex-wife. However, one day, after meeting a woman on the way home, the introverted man realizes that he can fall in love again.