House of Self. The hideout.

Memo #1: Think on paper

*soft sound of a pen running fast; stop; running again; and again kept on hold*

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"I remember the first time I came here:
'It won't take long', I was said.
'All that you are supposed to do is just teaching them your method', I was said.
'And don't worry about the rent: they will provide you board and lodging', I was said.
Easy, right?

No.

And it's not just a 'no'. It's specifically 'Not at all!'.
Why?
Because having a civil conversation with those people was as easy as drinking a soup using a fork.
Plus, there was a small, little, insignificant, tiny detail I wasn't informed of...
And THAT detail changed the whole picture.

*exhaling in frustration*

'What was that?', you ask?
Go ahead and you'll see it by yourself..."

Having that said, the disheartened gentleman hastily took his old luggages and went on the bus.
After a short while the vehicle got back on the main street and disappeared into the darkness of the tunnel at the feet of the mountain.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

*hanging the pen a few millimetres above the white page*

[Still unsatisfied?]

"Actually, yes... I should've paid more attention to that person."

[Honestly, I don't even understand why you're stubbornly making all those efforts to write down each detail...Simply summarize the situation isn't enough?]

"To anyone else, it may be..."

[But not to you. Is that what you're trying to say?]

*nodding*

[*exhaling, defeated* Fine. But you DEFINITELY should rest: if tomorrow will be half as drained as it was today you won't be able to make it through the whole day, not even till midday, I'm telling you.]

*looking at the clock on the side wall*
"Just five more minutes..."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The moment the bus disappeared, eaten by the darkness of that tunnel, the sky, already dim, became totally black, as if someone had turned off the sun behind those clouds.
Like a thunder, a thought flashed my mind:
Why did I ask that person to stay!?
I mean, wasn't me the one who wanted to go away from here?! We could've left this place together, couldn't we!?!

...

I felt dumb.

A tired sigh escaped my heart...
Well, there was no point in standing there, waiting for another bus, which might come within minutes as well as hours or even not to come.

"So...what now?"

Analyzing the situation, it seems that it was going to become night pretty soon; thus for, better was to find a warmer place to stay until morning.

Looking around, the only source of light was a dilapidated building not far from the bus stop; it seemed to be my best choice, at that moment.

"Okay - I exhaled once more - let's give it a try."

That was my thought. A naïve thought.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

*hanging the pen above the page once again*

"Uhm..."

[...]

...

[...]

*humming louder*

[*sleepy* And now, what?]

"Is it...Do you think it's even fair towards myself to keep on writing these thoughts? Maybe I should stop... there's nothing but judgments and heavy feelings inside this flow of reflections. I wonder if they even make any sense..."

[*slightly annoyed* And you woke me up only to repeat me my own words?! What kind of game are you in, lately?]

*Mumbling*

...

*Resuming the writings* "Nevermind..."

[*Exhaling again* You can't be helped, I swear...]