Power of Will, a SAW Fanfiction

Ch. 30 Pre-SAW: Hurting Yourself

Amanda Young

She had never messed with dope. No matter how many times it had crossed her path.

She had always stayed away from the stuff. Even when her older brother brought it home. Even when it seemed everyone in high school had been strung up in class. She never dared to even experiment. No matter what her friends said. She had stayed out of trouble, despite the worst situations she was in. But, now that she was in prison?

She wasn't so sure she could stay strong, now. Prison was so fucking boring.

She was currently reading the same fucking book, a third time that week, while she heard the scuffle and screams of a brawl outside her cell. The fights kept her up at night. She sighed and rolled over in her cot, pulling the sheet over her shoulders and curled into a fetal position as she stared blankly at the yellowing paper. It was the Great Gatsby, and Gatsby was such a little bitch, pining after dumb cock-tease Daisy.

"Yo, Mandy," her cell mate whispered in the bunk above her. "You okay, sweetie?"

She looked up and forced a smile at Ronda, a heavy set intimidating woman that, for some reason, liked her. She was lucky. She had seen Ronda dig another woman's eyeball out with a spoon just last month. Apparently, solitary was the worst punishment they'd dish out to the inmates there. Ronda was a regular in the solitary cell. "Wish there were some new books."

"Never liked them. Reading gives me a headache." Ronda slumped off her bunk and landed on the concrete, squatting to be eye level with Amanda. "You know what will take the edge off, sweetie?"

Amanda swallowed. She knew what Ronda would offer. She shrugged. "I'm trying to keep my nose clean."

"Oh, don't worry, baby, you don't snort it. I just got some painkillers. It'll make the day seem perfectly fine. How about it? I'm feeling charitable." Ronda, pupils already great black pools, took out the silver foil of a pill sheet, shaking gently the drugs in their plastic casing. "Besides, I owe you for always giving me your pudding cups."

Amanda couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, but I don't want anything in return." Besides you not shanking me in my sleep, that is.

"Well," Ronda pushed out a pill and put it on her pillow. "I'ma leave it here before I change my mind. Trust me, it'll help pass the time. The fucking guards said they were planning on skipping afternoon recess."

"Again?" She groaned. She had been looking forward to going outside. To feel the sun on her face.

Lately, the guards have been such fucks. They were almost as bad as cops.

Almost.

She was grinding her teeth, looking at the heavily painted yellow walls again. The bricks burned her eyes and she wanted to just slam her forehead into the concrete until she caved in her own skull.

She wanted to just die.

She had been in for six months. Six long fucking months. And it never got easier. The time never passed any quicker.

And she wasn't even sure what waited for her when she was finally outside. Her parents had disowned her. Her brother was dead. She didn't have anyone she'd expect to wait for her on the outside. Maybe Cecil, if he was sober and not in a bad mood.

But she wouldn't count on the bastard. She was still bitter and blamed him for getting her in this mess in the first place.

The little blue pill looked appealing, all of a sudden.

She always wondered if it was as good as they said.

What else am I going to fucking do here?

Without a second thought, she took the pill and put it in her mouth. The coating stuck to her tongue and she forced-swallowed, clearing her throat.