friENDS

02. Yes, I like him

"We should try the taco treat next time we go there," Aria proposes as they try to decide a place to grab a bite after school. "No, I'm not visiting that place ever again," Davin complains, rejecting her idea.

"Shut up; you don't know anything about that place," Aria argues further. "Maybe, but what I do know is that they are trying to embarrass all their customers," Davin huffs.

"Oh my god! You are such a baby. You know very well it was an accident," Aria says, chuckling softly. "Sure, it was. It was a complete mistake for the whipped cream that was supposed to be on top of my chocolate chip pancake to end up on my black pants," Davin remarks.

I also let out a chuckle, recalling the incident I have heard at least a hundred times. "And that too, on our first date," Davin sulks. "But at least it makes up for a good memory." Aria comforts her moping mess of a boyfriend. Davin finally cracks a smile before planting a kiss on her head.

Just at that moment, I deviate my eyes away from them. My eyes locked with the hazel ones that were staring intently at me. I break our eye contact as his lips pull into an evil smirk.

He looks much calmer and more composed than he did in the morning when he slammed me against those lockers. Speaking of that, I need to get him back for what he did; my head is still throbbing in pain.

"Katherine, tell him that he needs to try the taco treat," Aria insists, pulling me back into their conversation. I look up to meet Davin's eyes, and my heart thumps against my ribcage as I stare into his grey eyes.

This is so stupid! "Yes, you should try it," I reply slowly, not wanting to extend the conversation anymore. This is all so stupid. The restaurant they are talking about is stupid, this whole discussion is stupid, and this whole situation with Joseph is stupid, but his little tactics are more.

I feel my blood boiling with anger while recalling what he had said about my brother in the morning. How pathetic of a sister to not take a stand for her brother! I grew more frustrated as my thoughts swung back to Davin.

Not only am I a bad sister, but I am also the worst friend. I just want this day to be over. "Kathy, are you okay?" Davin asks, his beautiful face laced with concern. You are so fucked, Katherine! I groan internally. I nod in his direction, not trusting the words that might slip off my tongue.

"I will see you guys tomorrow," I say, rushing out of the class the minute the bell rings, indicating the end of the period. 'Going home. See you tomorrow.' I text Lily before heading towards the parking lot. I'm just so done with today. I just need to get in bed and sleep off this guilt that is drowning me. 

"Kathy, are you okay?" I hear his voice as soon as I reach the parking lot. I know what he is doing—mocking me. "Leave me alone for once, can you?" I grumble angrily as I continue walking, not stopping to entertain him.

"Just checking up on you, Kitten." He says, walking alongside. "Doesn't feel good, does it? Seeing the person you like but not being able to have them." He continues. "I don't know what or who you are talking about," I say dismissively as I reach for the handle of my car's door.

"Aww! Don't be shy, sweetheart. You know just who I'm talking about," Joseph says. He knows he is pushing my buttons right now. "Joseph, why don't you go and bother someone else?" I don't even try to hide the annoyance dripping from my words. 

I was just done for the day, and Joseph was the last person I wanted to talk to. Not when I'm already sinking in my puddle of guilt and embarrassment.

"You like Davin," he states. It is not a question; he is making a statement. His words make me retrieve my hands from the door handle. I stand there with my head hung low as guilt rushes through me. "You don't know what you are talking about. Don't be ridiculous," I state, not wanting to admit anything in front of him.

Well, you see, Davin and I have been friends for quite a while. I first met him in our freshman year; he had just moved from Texas and was too sweet to be ignored. Eventually, we grew close over three years, and everyone thought that we would be the new high school sweethearts soon.

But then, last year, Aria joined our high school, and it was like Davin was swept off his feet. He was head over heels for her instantly, and I understand why he would be. That's just how Aria is: beautiful, kind, funny, smart, and whatnot. She is everything one can desire.

I soon became the mutual link between the two and also became a bare witness to the two innocent souls falling for each other with every passing day.

I didn't necessarily find Davin attractive in the beginning, but then, in the sophomore year, it was like he was a whole new person. He popped a muscle or two and finally let his hair grow into the beautiful mess it is now. One look at him, and I knew I was in trouble, and he was just too sweet to ignore. 

But I never confessed my feelings for him because I was afraid of ruining our friendship, and then when he fell in love with Aria, I had no choice but to accept the reality and be happy for both of them.

Even Lily is unaware of my feelings for Davin; that's how good I was at concealing them. But now I can't help but feel like a thief who has been caught red-handed. Hearing Joseph say the words I had sworn to never utter is the only confirmation my mind needs to convince me of being a bad friend.

"Come on, Kitten. I know you like him; it is evident in your eyes every time they meet his face." Joseph whispers, his warm breath brushing against the tip of my ear. I could feel his chest brush against my back, hard and muscular. 

His lips touched the curve of my ear as he spoke again. "Why do you like him so much?" he whispers. Goosebumps—I feel them all over my body. "Stay out of my life, Joseph," I say, gritting my teeth as I turn around to face him.

There was not enough space for both of us to stand, as there were cars on either side of us. Our bodies are crammed against each other. Joseph's eyes travel south to the point where my chest is pressed against his. 

His eyes linger as my chest heaves up and down against his own.  His hands formed into fists, but before I had a chance to process our proximity or the way Joseph's jaw had tensed, he pushed himself away from me. 

"Just admit the truth, and I will leave you alone." He continued as he stepped to the side, creating a distance between our bodies, which I was grateful for. "Why do you even care if I like him or not? Or are you jealous that it's not you, Jojo?" I say, running my finger along his chest. I watch as his eyes darken. He is quick to stop my movements as he holds my finger in his hand.

"Don't be ridiculous now, Kitten. I would rather die than desire you." He smirks before he pushes my hand away. "You like him, and your guilty face is enough for even a blind man to notice your feelings. Even now, your face is laced with the guilt of liking your own friend's boyfriend," he points an accusing finger at me.

"Oh, Joseph! Yes, I do! I like Davin. I like my friend's boyfriend. I like him so much that it hurts me to see him and Aria together. Every time I see them, I can't help but imagine how it should have been me holding his hand and not her. Every time I see them all in love, I can't help but feel jealous, even resentful." I lash out, my breath laboring as anger seeps into me. I am angry at myself for feeling the way I do, and I am angry at Joseph for being such a pushover. 

I watch as his playful smirk turns into a flat smile. His eyes dance with emotions that I cannot comprehend. Fuck! Before he even has the chance to respond to my confession, I cut him off. 

"Is that what you want me to say? I know this is what you think is the truth, but it is not. I'm happy for my friends, and I support their relationship. There is no one better than Aria for Davin, and even if I like him, I'm not a homewrecker. I would never compromise someone else's happiness to gain my own. Now fuck off." I say that and get in my car without waiting around to see his reaction.

I pull out of my parking spot as Joseph stands still, glued to his place. I contemplate running him over with my car, but don't let my intrusive thoughts win and speed out to the main road.

It was the first time I had admitted my true feelings for Davin in front of someone, even if it was indirectly. "It's okay, Katherine. Just breathe. You are stronger than this. Don't let him get to you." 

I keep on chanting the same thing over and over until I can focus on nothing but driving, with nothing but a feeling of numbness in my heart.