I Love You

III: Silence.

My head felt like it was splitting open. I wobbled before I crashed and then you are awake like a deer in the headlights, "Jesus, are you alright?"

I nodded. You looked like hell. "Have you been sleeping?", I asked without thinking twice.

"Have I been sleeping? You still have the guts to ask me that? I tried to reach out to you but you never texted me back and you never answered any of my calls! Of course, I haven't been sleeping well! I thought you needed space but I couldn't contact you at all, I thought something had happened to you!", it was one of the few times you shouted at me. You messed up your hair but still helped me to stand. You looked like you had had enough.

"What are you afraid of, really?"

I'm terrified of you. For the first time in my life, I met someone that I wanted to be with, someone that I can envision being with in the future but I am afraid– that it wouldn't last and you would leave me like everyone else. That we would hurt each other and the only thing that's left is bitter memories but most of all, I wasn't ready to accept the fact that I can love someone and that someone can love me back too.

"Not today." I said. My head was killing me and that was the truth. "Not today, how many days have I waited?" I didn't answer and you sat across from me.

Dark eyebags, hunched back, and crossed arms. I could feel your eyes all over me. You pinched your temples and then got up. I thought you were about to leave but instead, you're in the kitchen– maneuvering as if it was yours. The plates were set and before I knew it there were pancakes and hot milk and followed by the sound of the grinded coffee beans and then the scent of coffee, livening the room.

We ate in silence but you'd sprinkle some cocoa powder all over my pancake, the right amount, and take out the maple syrup from the fridge. My eyes watered down a bit, and intense and unfamiliar emotions arose. It was uncomfortable as if something in me wanted to explode.

"You okay there?", you asked.
"I'm fine."

The ride to my university was awkward. "Bye." I waved awkwardly. You didn't look at me but replied with a casual "Hm".

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AU: I'm sorry for the late post, there will be two posts instead this week, hope you guys like it! ❤️