Am I even real to you?
Seems an odd thing to say
Given that we talk a little still, each and almost every day
But I want to know
I fear to ask
Would you still see me
Or "like the view"
If I never kissed your ass?
Or let you give me reasons to?
What if I wanted to indulge more than just my saccharine saucy soliloquies? I know more than you think, I feel more than you'd admit. I'm more than a mouth and a slit, and deeply you know it.
What if I wanted to banter
On and on
About the moon, the stars, the paradox of a planet we live on
Would you let me? Even if it meant we couldn't tie our souls desperately after? Even if at the end of the night, the only thing I wanted to hear yelped in my ear sometimes was just your breathless laughter?
If I asked to see your soul again
Would you show me?
Would you trust me with all the brightest parts of your personality
The ones beside spectating, I have yet to see?
Would you let me dust off and hold those lovely parts, and crystallize/ love the darker ones even more?
Would you let my identity in "us" be more than just a whore?
If the price of our relationship was also loving my full personality would you Pay it?
If I gave 2bvyou my heart again would you Break it? ///first
If I lent a hand would you Take it?
If I wanted to be, more than a dark delicacy, would you plant that seed of hope,
If I loved you
And I do.
would you let me?
Like a thin glass full of shampain and regret shredding down my throat, piercing my soul on its way down, threading manic spirals around my melancholic insides
I am more scared of myself than you realize
For if I touched you
Shaking
Bawling
Unable to even mentally settle
It takes an insane amount of inner violence to make myself always so gentle
With you
With you
How can I ever put my hands on you?
Tears racing, straining my head I want to desperately incise
I give you so much grace because I see myself in your eyes
Someone left the water running
Someone left the water running
And I am always more in disguse
Sexual perversion no I am of the deeper kind
I will penetrate your mind with light and burn it alive
Someone left the door open
And I will never leave you behind
But if I touched you
And if I touched you
You will feel
How much I still love you after all this time
And the water will still run
And the door will shut
And you will leave me behind
And you will douse our flame
And quench your mind
And you will conclude once more
That I was nothing more
Than a waste of dependent time.
Or worse
You will feel
What've I've felt
All that I've felt
For you
After all this time.
Love.
There is in itch in my brain that I can't seem to reach
Only with poetry that I write, and you'll read back to me
WHO would ever want me
I am a cacophony of issues
A tragophilic symphony
Of dichotomy
Putting energy in me is putting hope into a god who's perfection youll never ever get to see
WHO will see me.
WHO will listen
When all am is squandered divinity. A waste of time
When could you ever feel
That I deserve
For you to be mine?
