ɪ sᴀʏ ɪᴛ ᴅᴏᴇsɴ'ᴛ ᴍᴀᴛᴛᴇʀ (ʙᴜᴛ ɪᴛ's ᴋɪʟʟɪɴɢ ᴍᴇ ɪɴsɪᴅᴇ)

18 || the empty sound is deafening

At the age of 10, Mark realised his parents loved Donghyuck more than him. It wasn’t a big revelation, but rather a build-up starting a few years back. It was always obvious to Mark that his parents had a soft spot for Donghyuck, always putting in more food for him than Mark, holding Donghyuck in their arms while Mark was left to hold onto the sleeves of their shirts. But he thought it was just that, nothing more. Because, Mark was their son, right? He thought that maybe being their son gave him more importance in their lives.

But then Donghyuck’s 9th birthday came by.

Amidst the happy faces and cheerful laughs, Mark found himself sitting in the middle of his own living room (since Donghyuck’s house was under some extension building), a paper hat stuck on the top of his head and a frown settled between his brows. He watched as his parents pinched Donghyucks cheeks lovingly, a string of compliments escaping their lips so, so, easily. They never managed to say anything nice to Mark, and yet the moment they saw Donghyucks face, suddenly they were good at communicating their love.

“Ohh, our Donghyuck-ie,” they cooed, handing over a gift bag to the boy whose everyone’s attention was on, including Mark. The older boy watched as Donghyuck pulled out the game console he had asked his parents for so many times, going as far as to make small favour coupons to exchange for it. He had spent so many days running around helping his parents around the house. And yet, here he was, sitting on the chair furthest from Donghyuck as he watched him receive a present for simply existing.

“What about me?” Mark had asked once all the guests left. His parents had turned to him with raised brows, confusion on their faces as if they hadn’t just reminded Mark that he would never be able to reach their expectations. “Why didn’t you guys buy me that console? I wanted it too.”

His parents exchanged looks before his dad crouched down to match his height, a disapproving look on his face. “Well, we got it for Donghyuck so now any time you want to play it you can go to his house.”

“But what if he wants to play at the same time as me?” Mark had been so confused. They hadn’t answered his question nor dismissed any thoughts that came to his mind that maybe, just maybe, they valued someone else over their own son.

“Then you can just play together.”

Mark was a little over 18 when he realised that his parents had entirely replaced his existence in their lives. Instead of having someone like him in their house, they had someone who showered them with love and affection every day, someone who gave up everything and anything for them, someone who would not hesitate to listen to their every call. He knew that something of the sort was inevitable, that him leaving their house meant that he would one day leave their minds too, he just never expected it to be this fast.

Mark had thought that maybe they would miss his presence, remembering the times the three of them would gather around in the living room and binge watch shows that his mum really liked. Or the times when they would bake things that his dad enjoyed making together. Just anything, anything related to him. He just wanted them to miss him.

"Mark?" At first he doesn't hear his name being called, with his back against the side of his bed, head hanging low and mind clouded with a million thoughts. "Mark!"

Only when a hand is placed on his shoulder and another on his chin, forcing him to look up, does he snap out of his trance. Wide teary eyes stared into Wonwoo's full of confusion and concern. He doesn't notice Jungwoo standing at the door with a similar look on his face before closing the door and leaving the two alone.

"What's wrong, are you sick?"

Mark wished that what he was feeling was something like a fleeting sickness, temporary and curable. He wished that the aching in his head, the stinging in his chest and the idea of his parents forgetting about him were things he could get rid of with the help of some medicine. But his dad's voice continued to echo in his head. The way Donghyuck panicked when he realised that Mark found out that he wasn't speaking to his dad, that his dad never called him. That his parents forgot him.