Sad Girl Words

Anxiety

Anxiety

It is something that plagues us constantly

It grips our chest and squeezes our heart for fun

We do not know why it has chosen us to be another one of it's victims, but perhaps that is just what happens when you have had to live your life simply trying to survive

We can point at our past and say "this is why" and see we are no longer in that situation

But the body doesn't know

The body remembers

It remembers that one step in the wrong direction or emotion out of line would cause our house to blow up

We call it a house, because back then we did not have a home

We had two houses but no home

We had two families but no one to hold us when we were scared

We had to beds, but nowhere to hide from the monsters

So we had to survive

Recognize the patterns of when others felt bad, so we would shut up and stay out of their way

We started looking over our shoulder even when we knew no-one was there

We learned who was coming up the stairs by the sounds of their footfalls

But more importantly, we learned to tell emotional state by the sound of their steps

Even now that we are safe, we cannot relax

A sigh that sounds slightly different than normal sets of warning signals

A foot that comes down a little too hard freezes our heart

If someone speaks in a slightly different way, we might as well be fleeing towards a nuclear bunker

Sometimes we even wake up anxious

Perhaps a dream or nightmare even already forgotten before we've even opened our eyes

But the body remembers

We wake with a tight chest and quiet heart and fear the world

Everything outside the bed terrifies us

We can keep the hyperventilation at bay so it does not turn to panic

But it feels like the world had turned its weapons on us and we do not know why

Thus anxiety has dug it's claw into our heart and mind

We do not know when it arrived and we do not know when it will leave

We hope it's soon

We want to be held again