Fatality

4. Short of Breath

It's Monday again and I'm actually relived to be going to school today. Every second of the weekend was miserable with both my parents around. It was hard to relax even if it was just for a minute. After the girlfriend thing I couldn't even look at my mother properly with out feeling that disgusting feeling. The way I felt while I was crying and confused.

But I soon put my feelings aside though as I saw Hiro. I was nice to finally talk to someone who wasn't going to shame me for being alive.

"Hey Aran, are you okay? You seam kinda down.. like, more than usual." Hiro suddenly spoke. My mind was somewhere else and I'd forgotten what was happening. So much that I had to take a second to process the words he just said.

"Uh- yeah.." I stumbled over my words which isn't very convincing. Hiro looked at me not buying my words. "...You don't really seem okay". He had seen right through me the moment the words came out of my mouth.

"..." I didn't know how to respond to that. I could feel a lump in my throat as I tried to process any sort of response.
"Do you wanna talk about it?.."
"...maybe later."
"Okay then, whatever makes you feel comfortable" a clam smile flashed across his face and we continued on our way.

———————

'I like the way Hiro smiles at me'

My eyes widened a little bit as the thought crossed my mind. Why did I think that? That was so... random. Why did I think that..?

"Uh- Aran?" I suddenly come back to reality. That's right I was in class doing school work with Hiro. "Y-yeah?" Did I just stutter?
"You look a little pale, are you sure you're okay?"
"Oh, umm... it's nothing.. I-I need to use the...restroom" I blurted out a response and ran out of the room, leaving Hiro in a confused state.

I slowed down in the middle of the hallway, grabbing my chest. I could feel my heart beat speeding up. It started getting harder and harder to get air into my lungs. There was the lump in my throat again that I just couldn't swallow. But I slowly made the last few steps to the bathroom and ended up hiding in one of the stalls.

I heard the door to the bathroom open and Hiro's voice following it. "Aran? Are you in here?"

"..." silence

As much as I wanted to say something to reassure him, nothing came out. Not even a breath or a squeak. Just... silence.
I could hear the sound of Hiro's foot steps and a close of the bathroom door after it.

I let out a heavy sigh as I try to regain my train of thought. My mind was completely scattered and nothing made sense anymore. I felt bad for not saying anything to Hiro. Why was I so anxious all of a sudden? My mind was once again filled with questions that could not be answered.

———————

After spending almost all of lunch in that stall. I contemplated on wether or not to tell Hiro anything about what just happened. Half of the time was spent going back and forth on what to do. The other half was spent making promises to myself that I can't keep, such as 'I'll tell him what happened' and 'I won't run away'.

In the end none of that mattered though, because all I ended up doing was leaving. I got afraid and didn't want to face Hiro after all that. On my way home all I did was scold myself. All for not being capable of doing something so simple as to explain my outburst over nothing. Even though I knew he would be understanding of it. The thought of it still scared me. I suddenly stopped though as I reached the driveway of my house.

There weren't any cars there. I let out a deep breath of relief that I didn't even know I was holding in. Just being reassured that my parents weren't home was relieving to me. I walked into the house and heard nothing.

"Mom?... Dad?..."
"..." silence

It was just me. Just me alone and no one else here to bother me. I just get to be... alone.