HEKAT

BABY STEPS

"In the dawn of darkness,

where shadows gather to conspire,

she emerges from the sinister path,

forged by an oath of revenge against the wrongs that have scarred her soul."

HEKAT

"God dammit, why the hell is he fighting at that angle... it's not coming clear in the videos."

After hours of contemplation yesterday night, I decided to face my fear and go talk to that hunk to learn his skills.

U guys believed it, HA! on your face.

Well, I decided to face half of my fear and right now I am not pranking you guys believe me. I came all the way here to this shady gym whose building was on the verge of collapsing and recorded him discreetly for later use So that I could practice from his videos.

I don't know what's come over me these days, but I've taken more action in a single day than in the last three to four years combined. But you know what? I'm embracing it. It makes me feel like maybe, just maybe, I'll have the courage to confront my fears and shatter the walls I've built around myself.

right now I am crouching in front of one of the windows from where I can get a better view of him and they also wouldn't be able to see me. A win-win situation.

After his session was completed, I headed back to my humble aboard to follow that same old mundane routine.

since it was getting way too late, I had no other option than to take a bus. a confined space full of strangers is nothing but a welcome whistle for my anxiety but since these days I am getting wild then why not give it a shot too.

so taking my window I sat there quietly trying to keep my breath even, when

Gently taking my place by the window, I sat in silence contemplating the pros and cons of traveling in it, while keeping my breath steady.

When a voice interrupted my thoughts,

"Dear if you could remove your back then I can also sit, you see these old knees are giving up from standing for too long" Some elderly man was requesting me to share seat and by the mere thought of that has started that familiar ringing in my ear that seems to be keep getting intensified to the point I can't even comprehend what he is even saying. The mere thought of him sitting beside me caused a surge of panic and if I didn't control myself then I would definitely start to hyperventilate in no time.

" Why.....why does it have to be some man, can't it be some old sweet lady that loves to knit scarfs for you....yeah go on keep thinking like....I need to distract myself......what if he tried to touch me once he sit here.....should I make a run for it...this shit is not helping"

before I could weigh my options that man began shifting my bag to make room, triggering hysteric cries for help from me, that pierced through the silence of the bus. Startling the other passengers "OH GOD! NO.....leave me alone just go away, please get away from me" I kept on pleading and murmuring please all the while clinging to the window, as if it were my lifeline. "

Amid all the chaos I completely forgot the judgmental eyes of a society that loves to make decisions without knowing anything, start questioning my sanity. The fact that people may consider me mentally unstable and I could get ended up in an asylum again scared me even more.

"omg, what had happened to her, is she all right.."

"that man didn't even do anything and she is behaving like that, say about bitch"

"What a crazy lunatic... a patient like her shouldn't be allowed to roam freely"

"my god what if she tries to hurt us"

after hearing all this nonsense about me, my best bet was to get off the bus before they called anyone, so clutching my bag, I hastily exited the bus, which was mercifully still stationary, perhaps due to my dramatic exit.

heaving a sign I started to walk the path toward home while keeping my tears at bay, Fortunately, it wasn't a long journey, and the cool air provided some peace.

"it's hurt so much when you try so hard to be normal but still become the society pariah when even after suffering so much from those so-called normal white collared peoples of society, this society calls those bloodthirsty monster a civilized being and us who suffers from there clutches, had never remained the same.

I don't want anybody's sympathy but is it wrong to expect a little amount of understanding, It is not like I want to be like this, I never wanted to be like this that just the mere sight of man left a lurking fear in me. "

"Sometimes it's not the incident that left the hollow wound in you but it's the way others act after the incident that impacts most, how they make you feel impure, tainted, like some unholy creature, when you don't even know what wrong you've committed."

I closed my journal, wiping away my tears, ready to call it a day. Writing daily was my sanctuary, my emotional barometer, something that I can held onto.

"ohh shit I forgot to practice those moves that I recorded"

"Good thing I recorded it, will practice tomorrow, but Amour you can't keep slacking off like that in the name of these attacks you had already wasted so many years in it," I said to myself like a pep talk.

" Get up girl, and practice you need to kill them, just get up"

It wasn't me, but then how did it come from me, shrugging it off with another new mental problem of mine I get cozied in my blanket to call it a day.

*********************************************************

"Even when society suppresses you to raise your voice against wrongs, do it for the silenced, the ones with voices trapped in their throats. Be the nudge that helps them find their roar, and remind them they're not alone. Your one voice can transform their entire world."

P.S. When was the time you had to kill your inner fighter from the fear of society?