Here Goes Nothing

He knew it was probably going to bite him in the ass when she found out what he had done, but he had decided that his weekends for the next few months were worth it. It had been over a year, and they still hadn't gotten their shit together. Fin was over it, so he was calling in reinforcements. The one person who he knew could get through to Olivia.

"Hey Cap, you got a second for a visitor?" Fin asked casually as he stood in the doorway of her office. She looked up from her stacks of paperwork with her glasses perched on the end of her nose. She looked exhausted, and she was. McGrath had been breathing down her neck for weeks now, and she was at her wits end. She had known something was up when she walked into the squad room this morning and watched as Fin fumbled to hang up his phone call when he saw her. She had decided to ignore it, lacking the energy to deal with it. That was a mistake. She froze as she glanced at the doorway. There stood the man who she had seen as a father figure for over two decades. She was at a loss for words.

"Could you spare a few minutes to catch up with an old man, Captain?"
Cragen asked her, beaming with pride with the last word. There was no stopping the smile that took over Olivia's face as she stood up.

"I'll make time," she said as she walked over to hug him. She noticed then that Fin had conveniently slipped out of the room. She released him from her embrace and ushered him over to the couch. They sat there and talked for the better part of an hour before the dreaded topic came up.

"I hear things between you and Elliot haven't changed," he said to her. She looked at him for a moment before she breathed quietly. "Ten years, Don. A decade. A decade of my life that he missed. I want to forgive him, but I'm not over it." Olivia looked over at her desk, avoiding eye contact.

"Who said you have to be over it?" Don asked simply. Her head whipped back to look at him.

"Who said you have to be over it in order to forgive him?" He continued. The older man laughed at the confused look that had taken over her face.

"I don't understand," she said slowly, absent-mindedly wringing her hands as they lay in her lap. Cragen smiles softly at her and sighs. He reaches over and places a gentle hand over hers.

"The fact of it is Liv if you are waiting until you're 'over it' to forgive him or to move forward then you very well may not ever forgive him because the truth is" he pauses looking his former detective in the eye.

"The truth is you may not ever be completely over it, and that's okay. He hurt you in a way no one else has, and that's not something you just move on from, " he finished. Olivia looks away from him as she wipes at the tears, now falling down her face.

"I never made you cry at work. No fair, " she laughed half-heartedly. She looks back at him and sees the knowing smile on his face.

"Don't postpone your chance at happiness because you think there are steps you've gotta check off first. Take that jump, and it'll all fall in place over time. You've already lost enough time, " he says to her. Cragen squeezes her hand gently before standing as he hears commotion in the squad room.

"Duty calls, Captain," Don says with a smile as he walks to the door. With his hand gripping the handle, he turns to her a final time.

"I plan on dancing with you at your wedding, and I'm not getting any younger, so you two better get it together," he says with a smirk. Olivia can't help but laugh.

"How can you be so sure there will be a wedding?" She asks with an eyebrow raised.

"I watched you two fall for each other and love one and other from a distance for 13 years, Olivia. Now, it's your chance to love each other without the barrier of a partnership and a marriage. You two are getting a second chance Liv, don't let it pass you by because you're scared. Love is terrifying, but it's worth it, " he says confidently before walking out the door, leaving Olivia speechless. After a moment, she stands up and pulls her cell phone out of her desk. After a moment of typing, she hits send.

O: Hey, we need to talk. My place tonight?

Her phone buzzes almost immediately.

E: Of course, see you tonight.

She takes a deep breath and smiles absently at her phone as she whispers to herself, "Here goes nothing."