I'm So Tethered

Track 4: You, In Weird Cities

"But when I listen to your records
I don't need to look at pictures
It's like I'm hanging out with you
In weird cities
Getting lost, and pretending
That we'll never go back
We'll never go back
You, laughing with me
Getting lost in weird cities
Like we'll never go back
We'll never go back"
- You, In Weird Cities, Jeff Rosenstock

Late Spring. Year 3.

I can't tell what day of the week it is right now. It's been weird not being able to go anywhere since the shutdown. My busybody self was going stir-crazy. I miss going to shows. I miss being able to walk outside and people-watch. I miss being able to go out to eat and not rely on cooking and delivery.

But most of all, I miss my bar. My customers. My friends.

They only allowed restaurants with large menus to be open, and since we only served appetizers, we weren't included in that. So I'm stuck here, playing Animal Crossing, listening to my records, and imagining what the world will be like once we are free to move about the country. One thing about living alone through a pandemic is that you get to spend a lot of time alone with your own mind. And that isn't a good thing. I reached over to my dog and scratched her head, the soft fur calming me down and keeping me grounded. The food in my lap had gone cold since I wasn't eating fast enough.

"April, your mom is going to go crazy one day." She just groaned, shifted her body, and flitted back to sleep. What a mood.

I looked up and over at the mirror. My hair had grown out way too long now, and the roots were really bad. I had tied it up in a messy bun out of laziness, but the updo really showed off the natural red coming through and clashing really badly with the ends. Maybe today's the day to dye it. Maybe bleach it and change the color. I was getting tired of blue. I turned off my console and gathered up the last of the food to scoop into a container to save for later. Once everything was away, I went into my room to see if I had any trash shirts clean that I could bleach my hair in. I grabbed one off of the floor near my bed, and as I swept it up, out tumbled my copy of Fantasista.

I chuckled, picking up the jewel case. I traced my fingers over the picture of my now-best friend with a weak smile. I was so proud to see him get signed and actually release a full-length album rather than self-released singles. I even hosted a release party at the bar. It was the last thing we did before the lockdown started. God, how I missed that face. I missed his laugh. I missed talking about random bullshit. I missed getting blitzed and gushing over pictures of my dog together. I missed a lot of things. Texting was one thing, but nothing beats being together in person.

At least I had his music, though?

I hadn't listened to it in a while. Because, when I heard his voice, my heart would flutter. When my heart would flutter, my mind would be reminded of Niina. Oh, how she was an annoyance. Not only would Jere ignore everyone else when she was around, but she was also super controlling and didn't really approve of many things. Especially me. Now she popped into my head whenever I thought about him. Ugh. I wish I could just rid myself of her without losing the boys.

But, tonight wouldn't be that kind of night. I'm not going to wallow in sadness.

I popped the CD into my player, drawing the shirt over my head. I grabbed the bleach and dye and headed to the bathroom. Niina be damned. I will not lose my favorite music because of some bossy bitch. Hours later, after singing until my voice was hoarse and my hair was neon pink, it didn't matter anymore. My head was flooded with good memories, and I couldn't wait to get back to them again. I picked up my phone, typing away a small message and not thinking twice before hitting send.

Hey, kiddo. Hope you're well. Just a reminder that Hirttää kiinni fucking slaps. - S.