#6 June 23, 2023 Friday, 2:01
I listened to her favorite song for the first time in a while. I didn't cry but there was still a feeling of sadness and longing. I don't like that. It means I'm moving on. I have forgotten her voice but I don't want to. Her face begins to fade. All I have are flitered images or terrible quality images. I wanr to see he natural real face. The face I saw whenever I got home from school. The face I saw at dinner. I don't want a low quality image from the Six Flags trip. I want the real thing. Maybe if I end it all I could see her. I don't believe in the afterlife but I want to believe in it just for her. I want to her and see her one more time. I wish it didn't happen. I feel the burden of living everyday and I hate it. I miss when she was there at night.... I would match her breathing pattern and hope mother thought I was sleeping. I miss it all. Maybe I won't make it past 20 and that's okay.... I don't want to anyways. I wish I'd just drop dead. Maybe I'd go out the same way as her. People make fun of her death and bullied my youngest sister...but she was oblivious to it since others defended her. They fought for her, making sure she never heard those words. She was so good to others even when they weren't to her. And they defended her youngest sister in honour of her. They are all such good kids with hearts of gold for it. Mother said she'd go through my phone so maybe I'll have to upload these somewhere else....Oh well..
2:11am, 10 minutes.
