Tomorrow

Dreams

I am walking through the woods. Its dark, like the woods you imagine when you think Beauty and the Beast. Twigs crackle as I walk, poking the soles of my bare feet. I look down. I am holding something, parts of it shine in the moonlight, the sky has been exposed through the tangle of branches above for i have just stepped into a clearing. I hold the thing up to the sky to get a better look at it, annd realize it is dads old pistol, the one we used to joke was used as a prop in the old westerns. I can piture us now.

Dad was tossing the salad, ready to throw a piece at anyone who came near while he was in "cook mode". dad is very seriose about his salads. we sat down at the table, and mom takes the fish out of the oven, spraying it with olive oil before setting it down on the crisp cloth we got from grandma. we begin our dinner withought ceremony, munching on the salal, Jonas skipping his salad to go stright for the fish so he could get the tail like he always does. Dad asks us if we want to see his new favoright western movie after dinner. he wont tell us what its called, and I have the feeling its probably the same one he always makes up watch. "definitely not!" me and jonas exclaim at the same time". "just shoot me with the prop now and get it over with" i say, gesturing to the old pistol hanging on the wall, but im laughing...

I hold the gun away from my face, carfull to point it away from me, even though i doubt it has been loded in years. I open the chamber. sitting inside is one shiny lead bullet. surprised, i snap the chamber shut again, and drop the gun. I lean over to pick it up, and out of the corner of my eye i see someone advancing on me from behind. I grab the gun and whip around. What other sane person would be in the middle of this goddam forest at who knows what hour of night?

nomatter how hard i try I can make out a single feature in the dark, not a face, or a glint of an eye. he or she just looks like a tall thin outline of a man or woman, the figure is androgenous, so i dont even know if its a man or a woman. "hello?" i say to the darkness, and althought i am facing where a voice should come from, my answer comes from directly behind me.

"do it"  

I whip around, trying to see if there is another person stanong behind me. the strange thing is, it appears to be the same outline of a figure, directly opposite from where it had been before. there must be more than one person in the clearing with me i realize. Maby a family going camping got mixed up and lost eachother. i turn back to the other person, whom i saw first and find that they are very close to me, perhaps 15 feet away. i still can make out any features, of something to ditinguish them by, which is particularly strange, because minites before i could see the details of the gun in the moonlight, and the moon is still shining, unobstructed by clouds.

i turn again, to the second silloghet, and on my way i see more figures. i spin in a circlle, and realize i am completely surrounded. i try to could in my head, there must be over 20 of them, looking to all the world like paper cutouts of pople, kind of like those paper dolls you see kids playing with sometimes.

"do it."

I hear again, though i dont see a single mouth move. the vioce, like the bodies is androgenous, i cant tell weather its male or female, but it sounds impatient, as if it had been waiting a long time "excuse me? im sorry? you might be looking for the wrong person, this is a big forest" I am starting to feel fear creep up the backs of my legs and down my neck.

"you should know what to do with that gun, all alone in a 'big forest'"

the tone drips with sarcasim, reaching out to me through the semidarkness. and it occurs to me, do i know what to do with a gun, all alone in a big dark forest? the realization crawles though my eyes and bites my brain, yes. they want me to shoot myself, i can tell.

"you are a smart little girl arent you? do as your told, you know. just do it, and the pain will go away."

The voice cuts though me, and they are seriose. the shadows creep closer, i can feel them pressing in to me, they are maby yard away, coming an inch every second or so, slow progress but steady. i do not want to be there when the get to me. and suddenly, i feel it. at the back of my neck, white hot pain tracing down my spine, it feels like i am getting burned, splintered alive, and their voices in a monotone hum around me.

"do it....do it....good girl...go to sleep now. do it... do it. do it. do it. doitdoitdoit....."

I am still holding the gun, the meatal hot and slippery with sweat. they are only a few feet from me now, but they look exactly as they did when they where far away, black as velvet, featurless as a peice of cardboard. i hold the gun up to my head, streight between my eyes. my pointer finger is on the trigger and i am breathing fast fast fast. i stare hard at them. they stop coming closer. i take my finger off the trigger, they advance again faster faster, and the closest theng brishes my elbow. the shadowy forms are beggining to spread out, looking more like smoke outlines than anything else, but when it touches me, it feels like being brished by a cats wiskers, ut sharper. im so afraid now, and the darkness is pressing over me, on top of me like a think blanket. i put my finger to the trigger, shut my eyes hard, and squeeze.

****************

I wake up fast, wide awake in a second drenched in sweat, staring at the celing. im awake.